Friday, May 09, 2003

Hi there Augustus

I took a day off Wednesday as Mum was still up, it's the first time we've been together on the day since Dad died and it is hard to believe 5 whole years have passed. We didn't do anything but it was nice to be able to spend a bit of time together knowing that each of us was thinking about him. Mum dragged out a few of photos she had found in an envelope marked 'give to Augustus' so we looked at those but didn't get emotional. She left for home later in the day and we got just a bit emotional then. It's strange that I can think about Dad without too much emotional turmoil but as soon as I speak out loud about his death or illness I get tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat - even writing it here gets me going a bit. I think Mum holds out a bit because she knows a get teary and I hold back for the same reason - I don't want to break down and get her upset. I often feel she would like to converse a bit more when he comes up in conversation, especially the illness stuff and his last few months/weeks/day and I try to not get teary because I really am all right inside, but the tears come and we end of holding back. Strange isn't it. Of course just the music from a sad movie has always started me crying even when I don't know the actual story so what hope do I have when something much closer to me is the reason.

I hope you start recovering soon; perhaps some of those jabs will kick in. Try and have a nice weekend and say hi to the boys for me

I gather your mobile has died because I always get the out of service message - I will try on the landline soon

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