Meanwhile, I've been housebound

Everyone else is doing fine.  Number one started training for a sales position last week...in Solar panels.  He says he likes it and it is a good company but he does not volunteer much information.  On Facebook chat I am lucky if I get a "Hi Mar" which is how I am referred to these days.  Number two is enjoying the single life which he is devoting mainly to work and he collects his son every second weekend from HB.  And I was lucky enough on both of those weekends to interact with Cohen via Google hangout.  I don't know why Skype is not finding my web cam.  B was pleased to announce that he got a pay rise which is just as well given the extra costs he now has especially with the rent and fuel to HB.

I just do not seem to be able to get well enough to go out.  I have to force myself to get groceries and I really need a scooter to be able to do it without going over my anaerobic threshold which means I will pay for using up all my oxygen in my blood in the form of more illness and pain.  The pain I can deal with or complain about but the breathlessness and dizziness and racing heart seems to be getting worse.  I'm fine if I stay flat on my back but I'm not that sort of a girl!  I can usually sit without getting too light-headed but standing up in the morning is making my heart go up to 120bpm just in order to make a cuppa.  If I did not have to lift the kettle and reach I'd be alright but it seems slow walking is kinder to my body than anything that uses my upper body.   So I take beta blockers which has been bringing my heart rate down when it kicks in so that perhaps I can do stuff in the afternoon.  

I don't know what has contributed to all this except life itself.  A few weeks back I tried to do a bit of push mowing and I only did little bits at a time - even just a tiny patch of clover.  I didn't get away with it.  The trips to the dentist have been traumatic and it seems like it takes a week to get over them.  But funnily enough I am not having unnecessary anxiety about it now like I was a week or so ago.  I have another appointment on Thursday the 1st of Spring for 2 teeth that are big restorations (so she said when I asked).  The root canal has settled down now that she got the remainder of that 26mm root scraped out.  My gum takes a long time to heal though when she has had to go below the gum line.  I can't believe I am having to get the same teeth worked on again that I travelled all the way to Noosaville for last year and the year before.  Maybe she wasn't such a good dentist or maybe my teeth are just about beyond repair.  I am grateful to have the scheme to keep my natural smile for a bit longer though.

Every day I wake up hoping for a sign that it is safe to go out.  I use my heart-rate monitor to measure things and I am trying to break things down into smaller and smaller pieces which means it takes me ages to do anything.  Today I had enough of being in the house or yard and with rain threatening I decided to go see the water even if I could not get out of my car before it came. 

I parked opposite World Mark

 It took my time even getting out my driveway, I lay the seat back each time my heart raced from the effort of getting just my bag, camera and me into the car.  When it had got down to a respectable 70's reading, I would put the seat up and reach for the car keys to turn on the ignition watching my HR monitor go up to the nineties.  It settled back into the 80's while I was driving there and I parked at the beach once more waiting for my HR to go back down.  I sat there taking a few photos from inside the car.  Then I got out of the car and waited on the camping stool for my HR to come back down again.

 All you can do is look around and see what you can see going on in life.  The workmen maintaining units, the beach erosion being fixed by Council, the dredging of the Pumicestone Passage, the people enjoying their holidays and the locals taking their daily constitutional.

I went two blocks in my car,
I know it wasn’t very far
but I just wanted another view
so that my life would seem brand new.

I tried to pace, took lots of breaks
but now my body’s full of aches.
I only walked to the toilet block,
…watched a couple on the rocks.

I wished that I was as fit as she
Who didn’t seem breathless to me.
She had a man to stroke her hair.
It was obvious she had no cares.

And now I’m home before the rain
that looks as if it’ll come again.
And there’s one thing that I should note….

my bag is way too heavy to tote!