Sunday, October 10, 2010

October so far.

We've had a lot of rain lately or just plain overcast after a few days of half sun.  The holiday makers didn't get as much rain as we are getting now.  I don't mind so much because it was starting to get steamy until this deluge came.  It is just as well I called off the camping for Thursday till now and it is a real pity for all those with tickets to the Caloundra Music Festival.  We have Connor this weekend too but dad has actually been taking him places and tonight they went to see the movie Guardians of Legends: The Owls of Ga Hoole - an animation. 

But I think dad is stressing too much internally after a week of work for the first time in over a year (except for a few days strawberry picking and one day for Men at Work).  He says he is loving it but I can that he was struggling with being organized and tending to get into a panic by Friday and yet I have helped out around here by cooking tea and doing washing.  Today he is well and truly being distracted by his head stuff and he is talking out loud to himself a lot and not hearing me even when I have eye contact.  And I have been getting a lot of arrogant lectures which has nothing to do with his state of mind really, he seems to always think I do things wrong and he is the only one who makes good decisions.  I do resent being advised by my son on how to run my life or how I should be grateful for any man's attention rather than rebel against being owned (or some similar meaning).  Whatever he thinks I am doing wrong is apparently why I have no man in my life but he disapproves of my attitude when I say that I don't want any of the ones I've met thank you.  It is funny how he has changed his tune about Rob.  All of a sudden, after telling him that he wanted him to not come to this house, he is now telling me that I should have been grateful to have him.  Of course this is not just about Rob, Barry or Pat that I have cast aside - I suppose it is about him too, because I have not made it easy for him to take things over - that I am fighting against it constantly.  It is a wearisome battle because he plays hard and refuses to hear another point of view but his own and he goes ahead and does things without my knowledge. 

He really risked alienating Flora next door from me by firstly telling her to keep the dog from pooing in our side of the front yard, and next he told her he wanted her to stop feeding the magpies.  She was a bit upset about the dog thing but luckily she is not holding it against me.  She only stopped feeding the magpies because she was getting a bit worried after the stories of swooping magpies and he was not rude and he explained his reasons for the sake of the magpies.  She is one who knows how embarrassing her own kids behavior can be so she does not hold what he does against me - but I hope he does not tell her the real reason why he won't let Connor play with her grandkids - that her family is beneath him - even I find it very hurtful when he says my life is as low as low and that I am not even at surface level.  Maybe he is turning into being like his father was with abusive attacks on my person.  I was talking to a long-time acquaintance recently who said her schizophrenic husband was super intelligent but extremely verbally abusive and she had to leave and believe me this woman is tough and not easily intimidated and could throw a punch if you got on her wrong side.

Not sure what is happening with the relationship between B and S.  They live as a family but some Facebook stuff between S and a girlfriend suggested she lost another girlfriend because she slept with the father of the girlfriend's kids - but when? And B put up a pic on Facebook that he had photoshopped of her with a "cock" in her mouth and a slogan that is not really glorifying a mother of your child.  But B still follows the rules of the house in relation to bringing home the bacon and looking after the child or going shopping.  And I have never figured out if there was a third option of an affordable place to live, whether he would take it or whether he really would not like to see S completely out of his life or whether he wants simply to be around the child as a father no matter what else.  Obviously he has chosen S over living with his Dad.
B has been merrily engaged with his computer and Internet and we have that in common so we sometimes get into a bit of collaboration which is nice.  He points me in the right direction when he can.  As for the child, apparently he used the potty for the first time - a bit slow at 2 half. 

And me - I'd be fine if I could move my spine without causing headaches which can get really bad.  Hanging out the washing is dangerous with my arms up.  It can have me reaching for the Codeine in no time.  It's been about 2 months but at least I can sleep more frequently now without the pressure of my head/neck against the pillow causing me headaches.  I do not feel flu-like or ill but I have low-level muscular aches at the moment which is a totally different kind of pain than the spine thing.  I have tried some anti-inflammatory for a few days but my gut reflux/burning could not handle them.  Fish oil alone is just not enough.

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