Thursday, February 09, 2012

Doctors and Counsellors and breakdowns

I have not been very well.  I have had a pain in my right side which seems to be radiating pain around to my back, down the side and random twangs elsewhere.  It is a boring kind of pain which is consistent but which increases and decreases in intensity.  It gets worse after I eat and so not only have I been wary about what I eat, I also developed nausea and I did not have much of an apetite.  I have had days with only semi-solid food like soup and protein shakes with rice wheels (flavoured rice cake mini wheels that are Gluten-free).  I have been trying to stick to a Gluten Free diet and the FODMAP diet but it certainly did not help this pain in the side.  I have had the same pain once before for a week or so and it went away but I do not remember feeling this bad then which was last year when I had an abdominal ultrasound and they said I had a slightly fatty liver and gallstones. I can't remember what I had the ultrasound for but it was none of the above but I remember the pressing on the right side with the scanning device with its gel, aggravating a pain in my side which was fairly insignificant until then.  It was afterwards that it started bothering me.  These days it's bothering me a lot but no-one seems to want to check my gall bladder.

I went to a new Doctor who is also a nutritionalist a couple of weeks ago.  He seems very nice and he seems determined to get to the bottom of what is going on with me even promising me that he will make me feel better.  It was nice to hear but today was the third time I heard how well I am going to be soon.  You cannot help but get your hopes up a little and think "Maybe this time".  I have been feeling so weak and tired that the last thing I have wanted was to go to any appointment but there is always something each week lately including the dentist and the IBD clinic.  Nothing is having a good outcome though.  The new doctor failed to address the pain in my side last time I went and the IBD clinic said it was chronic constipation and told me how wonderful I would feel in 4 months at the next appointment after having used Movicol, moderate fibre, a probiotic etc.  The Movicol regime seemed a bit extreme to me because I have a problem with diarrohea which Stephanie (the specialist nurse) said was overflow diarrohea.  I know I have been constipated and I had been again until the day I went to the clinic but I have been able to shift it myself.  I was more worried about the fact that it has only become a problem for me to manage for a few days in the last 12 months but she ran with the constipation idea and is ready to now hand me over to the IBS clinic because the blood tests from Xmas showed no elevations and thus no IBD again.  This is good but does not explain the pain in my side except in terms of faecal impaction lumps. There was no further discussion about my burning mouth.

I used the Movicol but all I got was a moving pain and I am pretty sure I was backed up then which is why I was so ready to believe that it was the answer to everything.  But even after I had passed everything on the second day I still had random pains along with this pain in my side.  I felt some relief of pressure though but I wondered if her suggestion to take this stuff morning and night for 3 weeks was going to cause problems with diarrohea next.  Sure enough, it did so I stopped taking it after going through a lot of pain that I still think is from whatever is going on in my right side or else I am still bruised from a faecal impaction.  I guess I can't be sure but when all is said and done I still have the pain.  I have had nausea and hardly eaten.  Tonight I had a proper meal for a change but I barely was able to share any meals with my son S who came to stay from last Friday until yesterday because once again he was in between accommodations.  So for him it is bye bye University City and hello to what he thinks will be more like family life with a counsellor called Pam who now has 2 boarders in her unit in yet another resort-like complex with tennis courts and a pool.  He has signed a 12-month lease.

Dr Mark has tested for a few things - vitamins and lipoprotein and the results were unremarkable.  It is good about the lipoprotein being OK because it is an indicator of heart disease.  He said on the first visit that I was low in D3 according to my past blood tests which he had faxed to him and after looking at it all he said he also wanted me to take Zinc and Iron.  I quit the iron when I knew I was getting constipated after buying it from him but I have kept up the other two despite my poor appetite.  Today I got a bill for the pathology tests and I was expecting them to be bulk-billed.  It seems some of these kinds of tests are not covered.  He has ordered more tests after listening to a bit more of my history today.  It is going to take ages to cover all my problems over the years compounded by my forgetfulness.

I cannot go on about it now but I have also become very teary in the last week.  It too coincided with my boy's stay here but continued today.  I really felt like I was having a breakdown but I have been so despairing of no-one ever going to be able to help me.  It is all just theories and no-one seems to want to treat the M.E.  They are always looking for a "better" explanation yet it explains most symptoms I have, except for this darn pain in my side.

I am really sorry that I fell apart this week because I have been devoting all my energy to holding it together and I had nothing left to even focus on my sister's birthday today.  I have spent a lot of time in bed.  I didn't even send a card but I had one here ready to Happy Birthday sis and I hope that this year is the beginning of a new kind of stress-less life out of the rat race.

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