I seem to be up and down like a yo-yo don't I? I did not stay teary after I got off the phone. I think the main problem is that I have to face the fact that my life is pretty boring. I get these runs of good days now - especially in the second week after the Bicillin - but I don't know what to do with them. I have been doing more housework, more moving around and more shopping. The shopping poses a problem when the money runs out so fast but I have needed to replace my fat clothes. Going swimming is not always an option with the run-off from the recent rains making the passage muddy and some pretty blowy weather making it unpleasant. I have not got enough friends and I've had so much smelly wind from the Clarithromycin that I want to keep to myself anyway. Many days I just don't feel like I will get much pleasure from any of the things I consider doing so I don't go anywhere at all. I don't really like shopping for instance. I guess the main thing to be thankful for is that I feel like doing something beyond the walls of this house because I have the energy to do it. I am still dealing with varying pain levels but having the energy is a good sign that I am improving. I may have a slower day the next day but payback has not been severe and mainly just in the form of increased pain or fatigue. I have not been feeling fluey.
The weather is rainy lately and it is pouring right now but it may clear. I was up early and I went for a walk down to the water and back before the rain came and I hope I have not over-done it on my hot, sore knees that have flared up since yesterday's Bicillin injection with Blue Care.
The day before that it was grocery shopping and before that K-Mart one day and my first 'walk in water' since the floods another day. But the days seem so much longer when I am not ill and I can't fill them up with anything that is truly satisfying. I have checked out the Community section in the local paper but I cannot find anything I want to join or be a part of. There is not much to pick from.
I've seen more of Karla but I am often irritated by her conversation. I pop into Jan's every so often and she is a good friend. I'm doing what I can but I am still not sure what I want to do given that I am still very wary about how much I do and in particular, what I eat. I don't seem to fare too well eating out or having meals at other people's places. I had a bowel attack after the meal I had with Jan recently.
It is hard to remember what it was like this time last year when I did not think I could even look after myself properly and was gearing up to buy a scooter just so that I could get outside the four walls. At first you really appreciate and revel in the new sights when you have been holed up in the house but after a while it becomes 'old hat' and it is not enough to give one a sense of purpose.
After a marathon effort playing with RAM chips, I have not managed to fix my computer. I had to pat myself on the back for even attempting it, but it seems that one of my RAM slots is fried. The computer won't boot up at all if I use that slot. I am slowly backing up to a corrupt external hard drive just in case the computer dies completely. I can't really fix the hard drive while there is stuff on it and I have nowhere to back it up to since it is bigger than the space left on my computer. Ho hum.
Did S tell you that he was delivering phone books when he phoned for your birthday Zena? He has also started Martin college this week but he seems to think it is going to be too hard and will consult a student counselor so he says.
A book I ordered because it was recommended by Dr Andrew, arrived yesterday so I might be doing a bit of reading today. It is called Healing Lyme by Stephen Buhner. It is going to suggest to me even more alternative treatments for Lyme disease and its co-infections that I won't be able to afford. Grumble.