Legs come, legs go

My legs stop working unless I take 5mg Prednisolone a day. The problem was that I was only prescribed tablets for the "emergency" treatment of 1 or 2 weeks after which I would stop taking the tablet. On the third cycle of that happening this year, I become so loathe at the idea of losing my legs again that I didn't stop taking them. That was June sometime. It took a little while but by this month I was ready to tackle all the medical appointments that I had let accumulate since before Christmas last year. I WON'T DELIBERATELY PUSH MYSELF INTO RELAPSE any more when I know for sure that it is going to happen. It's not hard to tell when it is going to happen for sure and going out for any reason for even tiny amounts of time has been enough to cause payback all year and I don't see why I should have to line up for it especially if these are my last days....relatively speaking. I'm not inclined to do it for anyone else any more either and I think that is the point when friendships reveal themselves as "fair weather" friendships. People question my love for them possibly because I am not prepared to pay the price of putting up with discomfort which to my body is akin to stress. It could be just the cold wind that my body hates or it could be the energy of "talking" or the light intensity or the fact that I have to wear clothes of a certain calibre. Ban the bra! I say. When I take the prednisolone I feel more alive and more able to distract myself from environmental stress and yeah, my legs work and I can think more clearly and feel more in control because of it. I have not had a nice time of trying to imagine myself any more sick than I already am so now the pressure is off and I can enjoy myself within my limitations. I can potter around the house slowly getting things organised and I can make it to appointments with far less dread. I've had my hearing aid checked and adjusted and I changed providers for the better. I had my eyes checked for everything in a particular effort to find a reason for the "eye headaches" but there was none. I had a home sleep study which I have not got the results of yet and a lung CT which I have got the results of in a watered-down fashion - the nodule has changed!

Now that the news has digested I have more questions but on the day I was just as keen to secure a long-term supply of prednisolone (before discussing the lung lumps)  so that I could take it daily and keep my legs working which I did. She agreed to daily.  She obviously does not want me to lose my walking again either but the only thing she said was that we will try to lower the dose as soon as possible. But now I want to know if taking steroids makes lung nodules grow? All the steroid sprays this year and it grows and none last year and it doesn't? I have not researched this so it is just my thoughts. If I think about it from another angle, I could ask, what is likely to grow faster in the presence of steroids? The answer to that one is fungus. Fungus has been on my mind since the antibiotics seemed to trigger that familiar itch as well as the most worrisome burning mouth I have had all year. It was so intense.

Living my life is kinder to me when I take both the Targin pain killers and now the low-dose steroids as well. I spend too much time feeling ill, and in pain even with these bandaids in my opinion and I do have trouble with side effects, although fewer now that my body is getting a consistent dose. I do wonder how long it will last as being something I am grateful for. Back in my high-dose steroid days (the Crohn's days) the benefit seemed to wear off over time (years). And right now the benefit does not feel as good as it did because I can still get that lead legs feeling that I once used to ignore. However rather than "poop-out", it could be the fact that I have been taking both Amoxycillin and Clarithromycin antibiotics because there is a chance that the lung nodule change is just the result of an infection. But her prescription was only for a week and that seems such a short time to try and rid me of an infection that has been causing lung-snoring noises, sinus problems and a  cough to clear the mucus all year. I'd like it to prove that it is not asthma or COPD as she diagnosed already this year and it is a flare up of say mycoplasma pneumonia (a past infection of mine) by getting better while I am on the antibiotics, but I feel terrible while taking these antibiotics. I've actually finished taking them but I still feel bad.  I was feeling so much better on a regular dose of steroid alone, but I wouldn't even know I am taking an energy-giving steroid right now because I feel yuk and "coma sleep" kind of tired again and if anything, it seems to have stirred up the coughing and lung rattles and mucus squeak sounds even more. I wonder if any of that got picked up on in the sleep study? The extra sore throat I have would not have been noticed by anyone because no-one has actually asked me about my symptoms. I've also been feeling feverish again and I've complained of mini-fevers coming and going all year too.  Needless to say, I hate antibiotic treatments.......even if they work long term to reduce an unproven bug load (which they did in 2012).  But this little one week application won't even do that. My gut is now trying to pay me back with my stomach not letting my food go down.  I am taking a couple of different kinds of probiotics and prebiotics in an attempt to avoid candida and thrush but that has not been something I can count on working.

Anyway, it is starting to sound more like lung cancer as I write about coughing and squeaking and even fevers so I think I will stop writing. It feels like I've been threatened with lung cancer all my smoking life and even when I stopped for 2 years the medical people still treated me like a smoker so it is sort of like "you deserve cancer you idiot". It's nice to know I may get a chance to keep everyone happy in their illusion of life's predictability. The Lyme and CFS and fibromyalgia and crazy autoimmune markers and 100 symptoms (yes I've counted) will be forgotten about if I have cancer. That worries me.  My life and death is now for the purpose of validating all the promising research into multi-systemic chronic disease and to have lung cancer put down on my death certificate will ruin everything!!!!