Thursday, December 29, 2011

He's Moved Out (Take Three)

He wanted to go.  He says he doesn't like me very much.  I didn't feel like I was behaving very nicely either but his constant lack of trust in my decision-making abilities makes me wonder if he would not shove me in retirement village right now if he had half the chance.  I was also told that the only way I would get well is if I picked one pill and just took that one and nothing else.  Let's say I pick the one I am still trying to withdraw from; two years and counting.  An SSRI which I used to help me withdraw from an SNRI a year or so prior to that.  It has been a long haul and what's the bet the rheumatologist wants me to go on an SNRI in February?  First line of approach to pain in fibromyalgia.  That is another story and the one I am meant to be talking about is the son story and the picking of the one tablet.  Now this means that if I get a headache I can't take anything.  If I get diarrhea I can't take anything which is effectively making me more of a shut-in than I already am and even more likely to continue cancelling more and more dental and doctors appointments due to having to remain close to the ladies room. 2012 is looking grim already if I follow his advice.  I am not allowed to trial any potential "cures" unless I give up my drug of choice and switch.  Anyway, you get the picture.  I am starting to become more concerned about my quality of life so if I get any relief from drugs I will take them.  However, I also admit that I am very sensitive to many drugs and experience intolerable side effects which make taking them quite short-lived for the most part.  That seemed to be the story for 2011.  The one I hated the most was Lyrica.

Staying here somehow got my boy over a hump and he made a Christmas for us and for once I really had decided not to bother making a thing given my constant relapses after exertion (which includes standing for long periods).   He did not move on the weekend he said he was going to pick one of two places but why he decided on a place in Buderim with a 21 year old Jewish girl I have no idea.  He has checked out quite a few since he was staying here - using the car of course and never close by.  It was one of the dearer choices.  Buderim is a dear suburb because of its cooler elevation with panoramic views of the Coast line.

On Boxing Day I was feeling even worse.  I was glad Christmas was over.  I wanted to do nothing.  Paul (not Ange) phoned and asked if Connor could come over.  S agreed there and I then agreed for an hour only.  Right on the dot Paul came back and it was just as well because nothing went well.  S decided that the Nerf gun [that Nana and Aunty Deb had combined forces to buy allowing about the biggest one you could get] was inappropriate.  He knew I ordered it so I got the lecture.  He would not participate in putting it together or helping in any way.  Even when I gave Connor his Lego Scorpio, he kept his distance so that I spent the entire hour on the floor working against the time odds, bending over with my dizzy head and generally making myself worse.  It was only an hour but I was in pain and not in a good mood.  Nothing seemed to work properly and when Paul arrived, I let the whole lot of it get taken out the door including the foam bullets!!!

It seemed like such a double standard because I remember not all that long ago, S had his son playing the most realistic war game of its kind at the time - Medal of Honor.  I keep forgetting he has got so strict that he has forgotten how to have fun.  I am surprised that joke even worked on Christmas Day.

( I will add some more vids/pics to the Christmas Day blog too.)

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