The Christmas Eve Cocktails were a disaster. B's attempt wasn't much better. He shook up soft drink! Exploded everywhere.
Hurley is a cutie but he is not toilet trained still. Hurley barked all through Christmas because P's Nana Patricia brought along her dog. Hurley must have been asserting his ownership of the Domain (the name of the gated community).
That's Connor sorted. He seemed to like the helicopter. They are very fragile though.
I told him that the next present from Auntie D and GrandNan wasn't very exiting but he disagreed. He loved getting a $50 note. He wanted to buy a computer game with it so S took him to the shops and then home back to his other Nana's place where A is living too.
Roger came and took the car back and my life was arranged for me by that time. I've been told that the boys will be going to Bev's birthday in Kin Kin on Saturday and so it seems I am staying in HB till Saturday when we will all leave. Won't Paige be glad.
S did not like the shoes I bought him and does not think he will wear them.
This was posted on the Bare Bones Medicine Co. Facebook page on December 20th:
ANNOUNCEMENT As of late this afternoon, the following conditions have been placed upon Dr Ladhams by the Medical Board. He is not to diagnose or treat Lyme disease in Australia as it has not been proven to exist here. He is not to utilise PICC lines. A diagnosis of Lyme may only be made by an Infectious Disease Specialist who is a FRACP. No treatments must be used that will cause a Herxheimer Reaction in any patient. For full details please refer to AHPRA attached. Our sincerest and heaviest apologies to our dear patients and potential patients for this terrible news. The Regulators have decided that treating Lyme is dangerous and poses serious risk to patients. We must respect the wishes of the Board. This is a very sad day for Lyme patients in Australia.
I have my next appointment in March. I got it into my head that I was finishing treatment after the Rifampicin but that was not to be. I nevertheless decided that I would do no more Bicillin injections so at my last appointment I was prescribed oral Zinnat (cefuroxime) instead to keep me in a holding pattern until I am ready to start on the Babesia treatment (namely 28 days of Ciprofloxacin and a magnesium supplement). I will be fitting in a Christmas trip to Hervey Bay and trip to Rosebud before I plan on starting the Babesia treatment. I love not having to have the IM injections.
I finished the Rifampicin a couple of weeks earlier than my last appointment on 29th November and I got considerable relief from the anxiety within 24 hours. It took another few weeks before I settled down further.
My latest regime also includes Fluconazole twice a week and Nilstat every day. The Fluconazole can target Lyme cysts and Candida and the Nilstat is for Candida. I have had far less bloating and gut pains since I have been taking Nilstat which is a long time now and my relief has been total for prolonged episodes.
In March Dr L can still treat me and others for fibromyalgia etc if nothing has changed by then. I am one of the lucky ones who has my treatment mapped out for a few more months but I feel for all those who are probably panicking about what will happen to them. Those who were being treated intravenously have my sympathy.
I've heard of Lyme rage and I see anxiety listed as a side effect of Rifampicin but I don't know how I'm going to make it through another month of it without going crazy. The suffering is so intense again and Dr Jo put up my meds again....yes, again. Another 2.5mg. But I am not alone. Track and Field athlete Perry Fields blogs about it:
And how about that kid in Tennessee who went into his church and shot his preacher earlier this year? The mom was reported saying that her son wasn’t behaving like himself and he was being treated for Lyme Disease.
Read more about psychological reactions to antibiotics here and this is one of the comments you will read there:
Three years ago I took an indefinite course (at least 3 weeks had gone by) of tetracycline for acne and despite the warnings on the bottle to stop taking the medication if I got headaches, I didn't stop taking it on account of my REALLY wanting to get rid of the acne which had been bothering me my whole life.
Well, I ended up with terrible enxiety and depression; one day I couldn't get off the couch, was extremely panicy, promtly quit my job (!) because I felt what others here have described as an "impending sense of doom". Words hardly describe how bad it was.
Three years later I'm still on Ativan and Klonopin for the anxiety. Prescribed 2mg of each every day, but I'm taking 5mg of the benzos right now while weaning myself back to the 4 mg a day. I'm also taking Lamictal 300 mg a day.
After three years now, I can't imagine that I'll ever get off the benzos for the anxiety or the depression meds. Depression has been mostly eliminated with the Lamital, but that seems to have possibly highlighted my anxiety. Hard to tell. Ssri's havent worked for me for a variety of reasons (allergic reaction to Celexa, inability to properly metabolize Prozac, and so forth). Wellbutrin almost put me over the edge with the anxiety.
My family has a history of depression, so I may be an uncommon case, but there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that the tetracycline made the depression and anxiety present when it did -when I was 35 years old.
SSRI's and one of the antibiotics I am taking called Rifampicin also known as Rifampin exacerbated panic disorder as described below. It amazes me that there is only one other case of an interaction between rifampicin and an SSRI (or SNRI) being reported in 2005. Here I am experiencing it as I type. I am so close to quitting Rifampicin because I have come far too close to the edge since being on it. I experienced increased anxiety way back when I started the Bicillin however in those days I had no need for psych meds. Look at me now. I've maxed out on two of them.
Citalopram, a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, is used in the management of anxiety disorders. A 55-year-old man receiving citalopram for panic disorder reported a decrease in the agent's therapeutic efficacy when rifampin was started for osteomyelitis. His condition improved when the rifampin was stopped. Rifampin is known to induce the metabolism of cytochrome P450 3A4 substrates and thus plays a role in several drug-drug interactions. We suspect that the efficacy of citalopram was blunted with the concurrent use of rifampin. To our knowledge, only one other case of an interaction of rifampin with a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor is described in the literature. Clinicians should monitor all drugs and dietary supplements that patients with psychiatric conditions take, regardless of the indication, intended purpose, or prescriber. This is especially important, however, for a drug that is pivotal to a patient's well-being; its therapeutic effect should be carefully monitored when any new drug is added or a change in the dosage of a concurrent drug is made.
Dr. Oladipo Kukoyi M.D.,
Dr. Tami R. Argo Pharm.D.,
Dr. Ryan M. Carnahan Pharm.D., M.S.:
Exacerbation of Panic Disorder with Rifampin Therapy in a Patient Receiving Citalopram: Pharmacotherapy: The Journal of Human Pharmacology and Drug Therapy, 25:3, Mar 2005.
Thank goodness there has been at least one scholarly article written about what I have experienced in regards to going into SSRI withdrawal. My withdrawal is in the form of brain zaps and perceptual distortion in nano second bursts but repeatedly. I would like to read the following article but even the abstract is not available without subscribing to an educational database. Sertraline is Zoloft. I am currently taking Effexor which is an SNRI.
Markowitz JS,DeVane CL., Rifampin-induced selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor withdrawal syndrome in a patient treated with sertraline, J Clin Psychopharmacol. 2000 Feb;20(1):109-10.
There are an increasing number of patients with chronic Lyme disease (neuroboreliosis) presenting in psychiatric offices. Lyme disease does not begin as a psychiatric illness. Other symptoms occur in early stage disease. Late in the progression of this disease neurological, cognitive, and psychiatric symptoms predominate. If not well understood, these symptoms are sometimes viewed as non-specific and bizarre. Actually the symptoms can be quite specific with a clear physiological basis, but far too often a routine evaluation is insufficient to adequately evaluate these patients. When the evaluation is not property targeted, key symptoms can be overlooked and these patients may be mistakenly diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, M.S., lupus, Epstein barr, as well as many other medical and psychiatric symptoms. (2) They are considered by some to be "hypochondriacal" or "crazy." As a result, many of these patients feel alienated from the mainstream of the health care system. (3,4,5). The recent work of Drs. Fallon and Nields drew attention to the significance of the psychiatric component of chronic Lyme disease. (2,6,7,8,9,10).
Here are some excepts from journal papers talking about borreliosis (Lyme disease) and psychiatric manifestations:
Lyme borreliosis (Lyme disease), a tick-borne spirochetal illness, has later manifestations that may include arthritic, neurologic, ophthalmologic, and cardiac symptoms. Recent reports suggest psychiatric symptoms may also be part of the clinical picture. Method: Using a structured interview (SCID), we interviewed three patients who had developed a psychiatric disorder for the first time after infection with Borrelia burgdorferi. Results: During Lyme borreliosis, one patient had major depression and panic disorder, one patient had an organic mood syndrome with both depression and mania, and the third patient had panic disorder. These disorders remitted after adequate antibiotic treatment
Fallon BA, Nields JA, Parsons B, Liebowitz MR, Klein DF: Psychiatric Manifestations of Lyme Borreliosis: J Clinical Psychiatry, 54:7 July 1993
Up to 40% of patients with Lyme disease develop neurologic involvement of either the peripheral or central nervous system. Dissemination to the CNS can occur within the first few weeks after skin infection. Like syphilis, Lyme disease may have a latency period of months to years before symptoms of late infection emerge. Early signs include meningitis, encephalitis, cranial neuritis, and radiculoneuropathies. Later, encephalomyelitis and encephalopathy may occur. A broad range of psychiatric reactions have been associated with Lyme disease including paranoia, dementia, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, panic attacks, major depression, anorexia nervosa, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Depressive states among patients with late Lyme disease are fairly common, ranging across studies from 26% to 66%. The microbiology of Borrelia burgdorferi sheds light on why Lyme disease can be relapsing and remitting and why it can be refractory to normal immune surveillance and standard antibiotic regimens.
CONCLUSIONS:
Psychiatrists who work in endemic areas need to include Lyme disease in the differential diagnosis of any atypical psychiatric disorder. Further research is needed to identify better laboratory tests and to determine the appropriate manner (intravenous or oral) and length (weeks or months) of treatment among patients with neuropsychiatric involvement.
Fallon BA, Nields JA: Lyme Disease: a Neuropsychiatric Illness: Am J Psychiatry, Nov 1994, 151 (11) : 1571-1583 This drug interactions casebook is a really good reference for interactions between rifampin and both anti-depressants and olanzapine. For example, one case study explains that "the addition of rifampin to clozapine can produce three to six-fold decreases in clozapine blood levels (Finch et al, 2002)". It also details a case where excessive sedation and even a grand mal seizure occurred after cessation of Rifadin because of the increased dose of clozapine. This is something to consider when stopping Rifampicin. Dr Jo asked me to stay on the higher dose of Olanzapine for 5 days before reducing the dose by 2.5mg when that time comes. I hope I am not sedated or worse.
I didn't want to make it known just how bad I got mentally but hey what the heck, it is my life and that's what happened. When your ability to make decisions is obliterated by feelings of desperation and physical sensations of anxiety, the only thing left is endless days of pacing the floor and praying for the oblivion that deep sleep can bring. I was only sleeping for few hours a night though and not at all during the long days of torture. I had severe gastritis and no enjoyment from food. I didn't mind losing weight. I was prescribed a couple of anti-depressants which only seemed to make the gastritis worse and some suggest one of them was making my agitation worse. Later I was put on Effexor which did not aggravate the gastritis.
View from Tropical Fruit World, Duranbah showing Wollumbin Mt Warning
I stopped all my oral lyme treatment because of the gastritis, the pressure from non-lyme doctors and because my mental state could have been aggravated by the anti-biotics. Clarythromycin has anxiety listed here as one of its side effects. Dr Legend had also reminded me earlier when I was complaining about anxiety that lyme disease and its treatment can involve a worsening of mental symptoms. In fact when I returned to him he did not restart me on that phase of treatment so that I have been left wondering whether the cysts via the Fasigyn (Simplotan) and the L-form via the Clarithro... were ever gotten rid of. I did eventually notice a return of my fibromyalgia pain that's for sure. Bummer.
I continued to take the Bicillin injections fortnightly except for one which I skipped because of a panic attack. But that is all I was being treated with. I was far too upset to deal with diet or my supplements and I have learned not to spend much time reading about the suffering of others on Facebook Support Groups. I didn't want to know about Lyme disease....especially if it was causing this mental breakdown. There is one thing for sure ......I have never ever been that bad with depression and never ever had depression take the form of agitation. Once upon a time depression meant that I could sleep the day away. That was not possible because I could not even sit still. I could not read or use the computer. All I did was feel this horrible feeling. My only real friend J did her best to support me even with meals. But most of the time I was going even crazier feeling confined to the house.
My sister came up to care for me for a couple of weeks or more and I really appreciated it so much. I followed her around like a sheep when we went out with no real desire to do anything except kill time. She tried to get me out every day. She cooked for me and made decisions for me especially what clothes to wear and whether or not to postpone the flooring job that was to be done on this unit. By the time she had to return home to pack for her big move, the medication was starting to kick in. Everyday life became so much easier and it was hard to remember how or why tiny things could be so difficult to achieve when they had suddenly become second-nature again. I caught up with Connor who had broken his arm falling out of a tree and I went from doubting my ability to drive to agreeing to meet my family (Mum and sister) a couple of months later in Pottsville, NSW.....a 2 and a half hour drive plus break time. I also put on all the weight I lost in just a few weeks. I was told it was the medication giving me a craving for carbs. I've still got it then.
Mooball Creek, Pottsville
It was not smooth sailing maintaining my independence because when I cut back on one of my meds called Olanzapine I began to relapse. I wasn't slow to get mental health advise this time. Going back up 2.5mg made all the difference after another uncomfortable week. Actually that happened twice because I tried to cut down again while I was holidaying in Pottsville (with the blessing of my GP).
I had a nice time in Pottsville and surrounding areas. Mum, sis and I tripped around visiting places most days and often eating out. We went to Byron Bay, Crystal Castle, the Kingscliff markets, Kingscliff shops, Fingal Head, Tropical Fruit World at Duranbah, Pottsville markets, Bangalow markets, Brunswick Heads and suburbs north called Ocean Shores and South Golden Beach, Tweed Heads, Murwillumbah Rainforest Centre, Murwillumbah Gallery, a marine education centre, Hastings Point, Cabarita Beach Hill and Minyon Falls in Nightcap National Park. S and Connor caught the train and buses down for the last weekend and I am glad they both got to catch up with Great Nana also known as GrandNan. The worst thing about the holiday were the stairs in the holiday house. They damaged my knees somehow and they are still not allowing me to do a full squat but I am getting there. The best thing about the holiday was realizing that I no longer got fluey exhaustion from being fairly active. I am now able to walk reasonable distances and continue to do so.
Fish and Chips on the deck
After the holiday was over and I was back home, I had agreed with Dr Legend to begin taking an antibiotic called Rifampicin. It is not easy to get so it took a few days to organise. This treatment was being used to treat my clinically diagnosed Bartonellosis. I've mentioned it before as a co-infection of Lyme Disease. I was surprised by being told at my last visit that I have finished my Lyme treatment and that the Bicillin injections were now considered "maintenance" only. All I apparently have left to do is complete three months of this Rimycin (Rifampicin). But so far it has not been easy.
Minyon Falls
Stupa At Crystal Castle
My friend J has noticed a decline in my mental health since I came back from holidays and started the Rifampicin. There is also a known interaction between Rifadin (as Rifampicin is known in the US) and Olanzapine which I am taking for anxiety. I told Dr Legend my anxiety had been getting worse again and he told me to put up the dose to make up for the lower levels of this drug in my system as caused by the Rifampicin.
Significant interaction possible (monitoring by your doctor required)
olanzapine Oral + Rifadin Oral
Rifadin Oral will decrease the level or effect of olanzapine Oral by altering drug metabolism
The above is taken from WebMD drug interaction checker.
Rifampicin interacts with many other drugs including the Losec I take, in the same way, and Losec interacts with Olanzapine as well. Dr Jo, who is managing my psych meds agreed with putting up the Olanzapine so now I have 7.5mg daily. I had been feeling more depressed as well but she would not put up the Effexor because she said I was already on the maximum dose. After an initial improvement a week after putting up the one for anxiety, I have continued to remain low in mood and am battling especially in the morning. I have been making a real effort to get out and indeed I have been going to a ladies friendship group every Wednesday but last week I found myself close to tears while there because I felt unable to socialise with them. I make these efforts to get out like everyone says but it seems like a big cover-up job. Yesterday I took J for a drive to the Bushland Botanical Gardens and then Eudlo for lunch.
The fact remains that I am not very happy and I am still getting adrenalin surges like anxiety attacks. I can't get my brain working in the morning especially because I can't seem to wake up properly. I am not dysfunctional but I am not comfortable. And get this.....the side effects of Rifampicin include agitation and tiredness which is nothing to do with any drug interaction. So two things could be going on with the medication. And I know I have had more headaches or rather one low-grade permanent one. It all makes deciding whether any of what I am experiencing is a herx mostly impossible. I just hope the bad days are a herx and that the bugs are being destroyed in my brain! The only interesting thing about Rif is the fluoro-orange colour of my urine.
I went to see Dr Andrew yesterday. When I resume treatment properly, I'll be being treated for Bartonella with Rifampicin. Unexpectedly, because I thought I was being switched to oral penicillin, I have been asked to continue the Bicillin injections.
Cat scratch
Dr Andrew warned against severe herxes on this new antibiotic so I do not plan to begin treatment for Bartonella until after a holiday with my family. So what is Bartonella you may ask? It is a group of gram negative bacteria which are spread by ticks, mosquitoes, sandflies, fleas and lice. One species is known to cause cat scratch disease. Another - trench fever. I don't think we have a test for Bartonella in Australia but I have been diagnosed with Bartonellosis because of my symptoms.
Symptoms include gastritis, lower abdominal pain, sore soles, and tender subcutaneous nodules along the extremities. Lymph nodes may be enlarged and the throat can be sore and there may be neurological symptoms, bone pain presenting as shin pain, back pain and neck pain and eye problems. Dr Andrew said that kidney pain, stomatitis, headache, outbursts of anger and psychosis were also symptoms. I would very much like to rid myself of my mouth symptoms and burning feet but unlike Dr Andrew, I don't think my recent problem with agitated depression (which is why I stopped blogging for a while) is part of Bartonellosis or Lyme. Who knows for sure? Clarithromycin can cause anxiety. Whatever the cause, I was very sick and very distressed until the antidepressants and Olanzapine kicked in. Other symptoms of Bartonella infection include:
subacute endocarditis (infection of the heart valves), which is often culture negative
lesions in the skin, subcutaneous tissue, bone, or other organs known as Bacillary angiomatosis (which could be related to the angioectasias I had in my duodenum perhaps???), ie rash that looks like stretch marks
atypical chest pain (reminds me of the time I went to hospital with chest pain which was not heart-related)
Today is a sad day indeed. Today St is moving with my grandson Cohen to Buronga in NSW which is closer to Adelaide than any other capital city. She should have given B (the father, my son) notice in time for him to get legal help but she didn't. The first I knew of it was last week when B phoned very upset.
I think it is about the cruelest thing she could possibly do to B who loves his son dearly and in fact moved to HB to be close by for access. I know the distance is considered too far for reasonable access by the family law courts but what the ultimate outcome will be is only guess work.
I am so glad I got to see him one last time a few weeks ago when I babysat that one night. B spent this past weekend with him going to the beach and Go-Kart track etc and phoned me so that I could speak to Cohen over the phone before he left.
Doctor Legend added Tinidazole (chemical name) to my regimen on Wednesday. I am starting with half a tablet twice a week and then 1 tablet twice a week. I hear of people who are taking a lot more or even pulsing it two weeks on and two weeks off. Every Lyme aware doctor prescribes differently and each patient's tolerance for these antibiotics is different. Furthermore, the ideal dose of these antibiotics for Lyme disease has not been established so there is a lot of room for different dosings.
Today I want to briefly describe my experience on all the antibiotics I'm on.
Clarithromycin (Klacid) 250 x 2
For the first 2-3 weeks building tolerance to Clarithromycin I had a return of several bouts of bowel spasms and one day of diarrhea. I have not had any bowel spasms that I would describe as an "attack" since then. Clarithromycin still gives me a bad taste in the mouth, stomach discomfort (gurgles and mild pain), smelly gas and finally gastric burning worsening when I do not take it with enough food, but the constipation I was complaining about has gone at least for now. I have required less pain killers since beginning Clarithromycin so that I can't be sure whether it is the Clarithromycin or the lack of opiates that have helped with the constipation.
One other thing that I have experienced while taking Clarithromycin is a return of mild heart palpitations on and off. I have also had a lot of backaches - both mid back and between the shoulder blades on the spine which refers pain elsewhere.
Tinidazole (Simplotan) 500mg
I had my first half a tablet (250mg) yesterday and I had a big increase in gastritis, oesophagitis or reflux and burning in the mouth. Yesterday the skin in the centre of my face went red and itchy too. It is alright today. I only have to take this twice a week so I guess I will be able to put up with it but I can't say I like it because it interferes with my ability to lie down in comfort. I still have a level of this kind of burning pain from the Bicillin so making it worse with Clarithromycin and Tinidazole is not fun.
Bicillin LA Injections (fortnightly)
I am still reacting to the Bicillin injections. I always have an increase in gastritis, other gut burning and reflux for several days afterwards and this has eased more and more as I get closer to being due for my next injection. I usually have an increase in joint pain and muscle pain which eases after about 5 days. The intensity of this pain seems to have decreased over time. I sometimes feel like I am relapsing after Bicillin with more of a feeling of illness and weakness. Last fortnight I did not feel it but this fortnight I have. Most would probably call this worsening of the illness, a herxheimer reaction. Since Wednesday's injection, I have had a return of that internal shakey feeling, heart racing and felt the need to slow down my activity in order to avoid a crash but I am still nowhere near as ill as I was. I am still getting out of the house mostly every day taking my burning gut with me.
The increase in anxiety that I have experienced since being treated may or may not be related to taking Bicillin and Clarithromycin. I can't really tell.
I've been very uncomfortable with this anxiety. Initially this bout was triggered by Qbuild and the Department of Housing and I am not finished with being concerned with what kind of job is going to be done and how I am going to cope with putting gear in boxes for them to move the furniture or get to the floor space in the cupboards. There's only one problem. I don't have boxes. Nevertheless I am not so consumed with this anxiety feeling today. It could change again tomorrow because I have to drive to Maleny and I am hoping there will be no rain or fog on the range. We have had so much rain. Saturday was the only day we had a cloudless blue sky during February. We have had at the least, showers and at the most, floods. My moods are not so good in dull weather. This is not new for me.
I told you I had been getting rid of stuff but I've been on a go-slow since the weekend with B, Paige and Cohen. Not that I saw them much but I did spend a lot of nervous energy on them - waiting. It has not been much of a physical crash but it is tending to make me feel less active. Tired too. Yet it is still feeling boring at home. I don't really want to sleep through this mild crash like I have wanted to in the past but the horrible feeling inside has not made me feel grateful for a relatively good quality of physical stamina. I have been so ill in the past yet still instead of feeling happy living has been a chore that just drags on. If it wasn't for the fact that I begin to experience withdrawal on anti-depressants after a couple of years on them, I would actually seek them out. Perhaps I should anyway.
However, there could be another explanation. Some of my online friends report anxiety and panic attacks while being on antibiotics. It is listed as a side effect for the Clarithromycin that I am on (at full dose now) despite the odd upset tum, bad taste and continuing but milder gut burning when in bed. Ever since I have been on it I have been waking up in the early morning and have not been able to get back into a deep sleep. And I am getting up every half an hour to ease my bladder. However I have been going to bed earlier too. I get more sleep than a lot of my chronically ill friends so I should be grateful for what I get.
One sad discovery this week has been that my little portable hard drive that contained all my photos dating back as far as I have been able to take digital photos, has died. I don't even remember what else was on the drive - 250 Gigs worth. Windows 8 (which I switched to because it is kinder to my slow computer) is saying that it does not recognise the device. I have the ones that you Zena have but there were so many more. More than I needed including duds that I had never deleted. I hope some of them are in this blog. Some of them made it to getting burned on CD's but that did not include videos which take up so much more room on. I have the recent past...the last two or three years. Hard drives are not that reliable. Actually nothing is. I've seen the sliver stuff come off CD's and DVD's or else they are unable to be read by the next DVD drive you upgrade to. Nostalgia is over rated anyway. I am getting tired of hanging on to the past. It beats me why I have spent my life collecting stuff. Hence my cleaning out spree. It is not like the boys are going to want much of anything that is in this house.
Not sure what to do about the TV room. At the moment a lot of the antenna cable is under the temporary carpet and out of sight as it runs its way from one room to the other. After the carpet is laid (I am assuming that I will get carpet now) I won't be able to tuck cords under it. In fact it could be quite dangerous as far as tripping up goes so now I have to consider putting in another TV outlet preferably before the carpets are done. I don't want to deal with that either and I don't want to go to the doctors and get my injection tomorrow and possibly be put on an additional antibiotic. I don't enjoy it like the others seem to. I hate thinking tablets and timing of tablets every day with no end in sight. I'm already starting to forget to take the second dose of Clarithromycin. And if I don't take it with quite a bit of food, I do have gut problems with it. I skipped last night's dose because the morning dose gave me diarrhea but it seems to have been a "one off".
I have been in a real tizz since Qbuild want-to-be contractors have been phoning to ask for a time to come and measure up my home for flooring. It no longer feels like my home. All of a sudden after a week or two feeling much calmer, yet bored silly, I can feel everything knotted up and my heart rate going overtime. I am supposed to think to myself that it will all work out: I won't be stuck with really dark carpet; I won't be stuck with vinyl in the bedrooms and that I will manage to pack up all the cupboards in time before the winning bidder invades my home to do their will. Them being the Department of Housing. I'm not going to say too much about that now because I am now expecting to be notified about what is happening but the order only got to Qbuild from Housing yesterday. All I know is that the tenders have to be in by 25th February, only a few days hence. And it seems like I am going to be forced to have tiles on the kitchen floor, you know those big square white ones which certainly won't complement the big blue ones in the laundry and bathroom nor the small outdoor murky tiles in the toilet. Unless they are also planning on ripping the others up. What a mess that would be.
I am handling the anxiety OK today but I am not comfortable with this feeling. All it has done is spur me into using up nervous energy by wandering around and picking out a few things that I can get started on already. There is so much I should get rid of rather than cart it from A to B (the garage probably) and then back to A. Vermin, especially those Geckos have made a lot of what was in the garage, "not very nice" to handle. It is a shame some lovely books don't look so lovely any more and the ones that are OK, I never look at anyway. I should get rid of the lot! Then I would have room for a temporary move of gear into the space left. Who knows if I will have the time or the energy to get that far before the expected call or letter that will give me a week's notice if I am lucky.
The point today is that I just finished off scanning a box of slides so that I can put them and the film scanner away in its box. One less thing to get off my computer desk when the time comes to move out the furniture.
Nana and Grandad's farmhouse at Yea
Grandma and Grandpa's home at 51 Radnor St Camberwell
1962
Dawn Greenwood
Mum wearing "my" sweet 16 dress
Box Hill North Primary School Uniforms
Sue Barclay
I think this was our first holiday after I became separated. Kings Beach. This is a scanned negative.
I seem to be up and down like a yo-yo don't I? I did not stay teary after I got off the phone. I think the main problem is that I have to face the fact that my life is pretty boring. I get these runs of good days now - especially in the second week after the Bicillin - but I don't know what to do with them. I have been doing more housework, more moving around and more shopping. The shopping poses a problem when the money runs out so fast but I have needed to replace my fat clothes. Going swimming is not always an option with the run-off from the recent rains making the passage muddy and some pretty blowy weather making it unpleasant. I have not got enough friends and I've had so much smelly wind from the Clarithromycin that I want to keep to myself anyway. Many days I just don't feel like I will get much pleasure from any of the things I consider doing so I don't go anywhere at all. I don't really like shopping for instance. I guess the main thing to be thankful for is that I feel like doing something beyond the walls of this house because I have the energy to do it. I am still dealing with varying pain levels but having the energy is a good sign that I am improving. I may have a slower day the next day but payback has not been severe and mainly just in the form of increased pain or fatigue. I have not been feeling fluey.
The weather is rainy lately and it is pouring right now but it may clear. I was up early and I went for a walk down to the water and back before the rain came and I hope I have not over-done it on my hot, sore knees that have flared up since yesterday's Bicillin injection with Blue Care.
New Dress
Yesterday, after my needle, I went to Kawana Shopping World for the first time this year and I did not need to use a scooter. I got sick of walking around as I usually do and in particular, standing still at a rack, because my back hurts but it helped fill up the day. I even called in to Brenda's place for a cuppa on the way home.
The day before that it was grocery shopping and before that K-Mart one day and my first 'walk in water' since the floods another day. But the days seem so much longer when I am not ill and I can't fill them up with anything that is truly satisfying. I have checked out the Community section in the local paper but I cannot find anything I want to join or be a part of. There is not much to pick from.
I've seen more of Karla but I am often irritated by her conversation. I pop into Jan's every so often and she is a good friend. I'm doing what I can but I am still not sure what I want to do given that I am still very wary about how much I do and in particular, what I eat. I don't seem to fare too well eating out or having meals at other people's places. I had a bowel attack after the meal I had with Jan recently.
It is hard to remember what it was like this time last year when I did not think I could even look after myself properly and was gearing up to buy a scooter just so that I could get outside the four walls. At first you really appreciate and revel in the new sights when you have been holed up in the house but after a while it becomes 'old hat' and it is not enough to give one a sense of purpose.
After a marathon effort playing with RAM chips, I have not managed to fix my computer. I had to pat myself on the back for even attempting it, but it seems that one of my RAM slots is fried. The computer won't boot up at all if I use that slot. I am slowly backing up to a corrupt external hard drive just in case the computer dies completely. I can't really fix the hard drive while there is stuff on it and I have nowhere to back it up to since it is bigger than the space left on my computer. Ho hum.
Did S tell you that he was delivering phone books when he phoned for your birthday Zena? He has also started Martin college this week but he seems to think it is going to be too hard and will consult a student counselor so he says.
A book I ordered because it was recommended by Dr Andrew, arrived yesterday so I might be doing a bit of reading today. It is called Healing Lyme by Stephen Buhner. It is going to suggest to me even more alternative treatments for Lyme disease and its co-infections that I won't be able to afford. Grumble.
I told him that the next present from Auntie D and GrandNan wasn't very exiting but he disagreed. He loved getting a $50 note. He wanted to buy a computer game with it so S took him to the shops and then home back to his other Nana's place where A is living too.
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