Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Last week, apart from Windows, he also bought an exercise tension gadget that you hang from the door.  I saw it for the first time today and I had a turn.  I asked him if we could put it up where we could both use it but he will not share it.  I can't believe he is worried I will sweat all over the handles.  I have to buy my own yet he can use both phones despite the fact that they harbor heaps of germs so I heard on TV - especially those that come from faecal matter.  It is time to buy alcohol wipes or simply not fear the germs on phones any more than the germs on keyboards or money.  I think it is just another point for washing your hands.

But getting back to him, I was really disappointed by his double standard.  Beg, borrow and even steal my stuff without asking and feeling like he has some sort of right to fulfill his needs and stomach with my property but he says no to things that I cannot understand as being worthy of causing distance between us.  I mean, I say "no" to some things and "yes" to others because I care about him.  He says "no" through self-indulgence and a lack of trust of me - well that is how I take it on-board. 

He removed the second heater (the one I use if I want) from the bathroom and took it to his room today, in addition to the halegen bar heater.  I let him have the latter because I asked him to only run it on one bar - 500 watts whick is economical.  Today it was 19 C when he decided to warm up his room with the fan heater instead (2400 watts).  It is not even cold with a blanket of cloud today while the rain falls.  It looks like it could be cold outside but it isn't.  There is hardly any wind either. 

He says no and I say yes with qualifications - the limits and rules I expect applied as conditions for the yes.  A business agreement if you will.  His agreement is a lie and that is what I cannot tolerate.  He breaks the agreement and expects to continue breaking it.  I get so angry but Scott will not hear me when I am angry.  I should remember that he will forget but for him to demand respect and calm negotiating tones to things that have already been negotiated repeatedly for up to 12 months, feels like some form of emotional abuse.  He has successfully turned it around in his mind to it being my fault that he does not comply with my rules.

  Usually, I then give up discussing it and I ask him to leave this house and find somewhere else to live.  It seems we cannot tolerate each other unless I quit reacting to his repeated episodes of changing the rules in my house.  I am not likely to do that except when I am crook when I think Scott enjoys the lack of attention.  Several days after I have once again asked him to look for another place to live, he simply announces (after some research when the feeling is mutual) that he cannot afford to leave and he promises to abide by my rules.  Now I have to write them down I'm told.  Just who is calling the shots here?  Help me be free from manipulators or learn how to deal with them.  I have often wondered if I am supposed to bring in reinforcements.  I think Rob tried but the way he wanted things was just going to put me into a situation where someone else would take the role of disrespect while wanting to become the self appointed leader wanting adoration who was not self-restrained enough to put a halt to taking advantage of me when I was too ill to care about the rules of my house.

I would have to say that chronic ill-health is a major deterrent to parental consistency.

I agreed to take a look at the major accounting assignment this morning.  I started correcting obvious grammatical and spelling errors but soon came to realize that his assignment was not being expressed in any way that made sense with the assignment requirements.  He was writing to a client after some financial analysis had taken place which I cannot tell you if it was right or not - the method was beyond me but the correspondence with the client gave me the impression that he was offering them a loan rather than discussing the outcome of a decision about whether or not the client make a loan application to fund an equipment purchase.  I could not make sense of it but he told me I was not helping.  And I told him that I could not help him if he would not explain his goal in the written part of the assignment. 

Good things about him are numerable and he did look good in his Coastguard uniform last night.  I am however allergic to his choices of body spray or deoderant spray which he uses with a heavy hand so looking good goes hand in hand with sneezing when it comes to that person I am talking about.  The other good thing is that the "opposing forces" negative talk  of a week ago has been replaced with how good everything is - his white teeth, his healthy body and his healthy diet (at my expense I try to point out).  It seems that if I wasn't here this son of mine would be completely happy right now (and probably broke while eating noodles in a tent somewhere).

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