Thursday, May 29, 2003

I am really upset tonight because I discovered that my temperature was up again after a day of wondering why I felt so bad after several days of feeling that I was getting better…not better enough to do too much but not feeling sick…just really tired. I thought the fatigue may have been due to the “die off” some spoke about on the Net after they had undergone a diet and medication for getting over this gut dysbiosis or more commonly an overgrowth of candida. But I was not feeling ill as such until today. I have had a lot of trouble dealing with any form of stress though…even this diet is stressful.

I have not done anything besides mark and work and go to the shops and some days were longer than what I could have coped with only a week or so ago but the last couple of days I have felt myself spiral down again and the temperature verifies it. Bugger. I am really pissed off. I have also been really teary the last two days. Today even holding a plate out with an extended arm for several seconds is a physical ordeal so that I really have to muster up my resolve to get the basic days demands met when all I want to do is sit and stare at a wall most of the time.

Scoot and Angel left last Friday to live elsewhere and that means less work around here straight off. I finished tutorials on Tuesday for the semester and my marking for this week after a meeting on Monday. Next Monday I start on some more marking and then some exams if I want the contract but now I am thinking of saying no to even 10 hours and just forfeiting the pay I would normally get from exam marking at this time of the semester. I am really not coping well with anything at the moment and I am grateful to have enough energy to get outside into the garden for a while. And I hate it when Breville thinks that I am attention seeking. And I hate it that I will probably not get to go out with Brenda this weekend because I need to rebuild my energy by having early nights. Even organising birthday cards for Mum seemed to be a major ordeal. I was totally pooped after work on Tuesday but I got Mum’s letter written. I did not have the energy to go out again and post the card so I left it till Wednesday morning and I was told that it would not get there in two days so I missed getting a card to her on time because now it will be Monday. I’ve got one from Scoot and Breville too but I only found Scoot tonight after getting Breville to show me where he now lived. They do not have a phone but tonight they said they may have got their mobile working again. It seems mine is stuffed unless I remember to check that it is on the charger and does not switch itself off. I needed a mobile in case of car problems mainly and now my car is playing up and the mobile is not likely to be of any use in case of breakdown. I will leave it on the charger and try to remember to check that it is on for this weekend anyway if you want to try to ring Zena.

I hope I remember to ring Mum tomorrow evening.

Anyway I got my front teeth fixed (and made even more sensitive) next visit…there were deep holes at the back of them. A couple of days later a piece of bond off the back of one of them came off and I do not have another appointment for dental work until July. I have the hygenist to do the cleaning on Monday, the same day I have to go to Uni to pick up the last assignment. On Wednesday I go for a needle only to the doctor. The B12, B6 and B1 is down to every two weeks now. I have no real appointment to tell him about how I have got worse again. Because last time I told him I was feeling better and I had no positive results to the helicobacter test or the micro urine and faeces so whatever is raising my temperature is not from there…and it was down to 37.3 then so very close to normal (my normal is a bit lower about 36.7). I have not got enough energy to think about trying to fit in another doctor appointment tomorrow or during another marking period. My local doctor would not be much use since she has not been following the history of this fever like the other guy has and will probably adopt another wait and see attitude. I spend my life doing that!!!!

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