Brett was rushed to hospital on Tuesday via ambulance with a tension pneumothorax (collapsed lung). A decompression catheter enabled his lung to reinflate and the hole will mend itself over time.

It has been a while…but it has taken me a while to improve healthwise and deal with the last lot of assignment marking. I forfeited the exam marking. For the past few days it has been some house cleaning and some pottering around and some sleeps. Today I tried to go for a walk but once I got to the bus shelter I sat down and then came back home. I could not make it to the beach.

I went to Angel’s 21st party at her parents house last weekend. Scoot and Breville were there too ofcourse and Nick and a few other young ones from the house where they live and friends. I spent the next two hours with them before coming home out of the cold. It was outside.

Next thing I find I have no power in any of the powerpoints…TV, micro, kettle etc. The trip switch had not gone off this time but it had earlier in the week. I turned it off and back on again but no power came back and it was 10:45 when Qbuild’s designated electrician arrived. The whole switch needed replacing. The hot wiring had melted and charred a hole in the case. I was lucky I had not had a housefire during the night when it had burnt out. But like a sensible chick I had turned off the switch when I found it hot. Next, not long after the elec had gone, Breville rang from the Caloundra hospital. Nick and he left the party to cruise town and had ended up in a unit partying somewhere when Nick offered a Maori girl a couple of dollars for a cigarette. She took it as an insult that she was worth more than that and lashed out at him with intent to do damage with her wine glass. Nick had been severely lacerated across the temple severing an artery and as it turned out…nerves to his upper face too on one side. He is now paralysed from the cheek above his eyebrow and will have to have microsurgery to see if it can be fixed. Breville was terribly upset, so I went up to the hospital to sit with him until Mitch arrived. Nick has also been a mess and in a lot of pain with migraines. The girl will probably be charged but since her brother is part of a gang, Breville is wondering how much trouble is still coming. He has been asked by Nick to be a witness if it goes to court but everyone was drunk including Breville.

Now Scoot has had some luck with the powder-coating job Phil put him on to. He is getting paid well and that pleases him. He has let the other job go and maybe Breville can pick some of the de-upholstering up since he still has insufficient work. He was told not to bother coming in on Friday because they were going to close early and paint the floor. That means yet another week with only one 6 hour stint. Show day and the Queen’s birthday meant the same. But Breville went up to Roger’s last week and got some pay…..eventually……. from him via Scoot.

My blood tests were all negative and I have had another B12-B1-B6 combos but I did not see the doc who was away on holidays.

So now you are up to date.

Totally stuffed. If I cannot get any help from Breville now, than I guess I never will. We have run out of milk and sugar both of which he thought that he could not live without. All the caster sugar and picnic basket sugar sachets are now gone but still he has not taken a walk or skateboard to the Golden Beach shops. He has asked me to go and believe me I want to but I just can’t….maybe later. I can hardly stay vertical for more than a half an hour and I use that time to make myself something to eat. I cannot really look after myself properly either but still I am worrying about the car and the computer, the food for the house, the blood test I still have not had since I walked out of the lab crying on Monday because I could not hold myself up in the waiting room any longer. I did not collect my marking, Rob brought it down that day on his way to Greg’s. I also cancelled the teeth cleaning at the dental hospital. I have not left the house since. I have done no marking either…my computer won’t let me anyway…it is cactus most of the time.

I am really upset tonight because I discovered that my temperature was up again after a day of wondering why I felt so bad after several days of feeling that I was getting better…not better enough to do too much but not feeling sick…just really tired. I thought the fatigue may have been due to the “die off” some spoke about on the Net after they had undergone a diet and medication for getting over this gut dysbiosis or more commonly an overgrowth of candida. But I was not feeling ill as such until today. I have had a lot of trouble dealing with any form of stress though…even this diet is stressful.

I have not done anything besides mark and work and go to the shops and some days were longer than what I could have coped with only a week or so ago but the last couple of days I have felt myself spiral down again and the temperature verifies it. Bugger. I am really pissed off. I have also been really teary the last two days. Today even holding a plate out with an extended arm for several seconds is a physical ordeal so that I really have to muster up my resolve to get the basic days demands met when all I want to do is sit and stare at a wall most of the time.

Scoot and Angel left last Friday to live elsewhere and that means less work around here straight off. I finished tutorials on Tuesday for the semester and my marking for this week after a meeting on Monday. Next Monday I start on some more marking and then some exams if I want the contract but now I am thinking of saying no to even 10 hours and just forfeiting the pay I would normally get from exam marking at this time of the semester. I am really not coping well with anything at the moment and I am grateful to have enough energy to get outside into the garden for a while. And I hate it when Breville thinks that I am attention seeking. And I hate it that I will probably not get to go out with Brenda this weekend because I need to rebuild my energy by having early nights. Even organising birthday cards for Mum seemed to be a major ordeal. I was totally pooped after work on Tuesday but I got Mum’s letter written. I did not have the energy to go out again and post the card so I left it till Wednesday morning and I was told that it would not get there in two days so I missed getting a card to her on time because now it will be Monday. I’ve got one from Scoot and Breville too but I only found Scoot tonight after getting Breville to show me where he now lived. They do not have a phone but tonight they said they may have got their mobile working again. It seems mine is stuffed unless I remember to check that it is on the charger and does not switch itself off. I needed a mobile in case of car problems mainly and now my car is playing up and the mobile is not likely to be of any use in case of breakdown. I will leave it on the charger and try to remember to check that it is on for this weekend anyway if you want to try to ring Zena.

I hope I remember to ring Mum tomorrow evening.

Anyway I got my front teeth fixed (and made even more sensitive) next visit…there were deep holes at the back of them. A couple of days later a piece of bond off the back of one of them came off and I do not have another appointment for dental work until July. I have the hygenist to do the cleaning on Monday, the same day I have to go to Uni to pick up the last assignment. On Wednesday I go for a needle only to the doctor. The B12, B6 and B1 is down to every two weeks now. I have no real appointment to tell him about how I have got worse again. Because last time I told him I was feeling better and I had no positive results to the helicobacter test or the micro urine and faeces so whatever is raising my temperature is not from there…and it was down to 37.3 then so very close to normal (my normal is a bit lower about 36.7). I have not got enough energy to think about trying to fit in another doctor appointment tomorrow or during another marking period. My local doctor would not be much use since she has not been following the history of this fever like the other guy has and will probably adopt another wait and see attitude. I spend my life doing that!!!!

Well I don't know about no one being around to read it over the week-end at all. You were suppose to be doing your marking on the week end and this week end coming and no one is suppose to be around annoying you was my assumption.

The weekend

I guess there is not much point blogging over the weekend when no-one is around to read it. While all of you are out and about doing things that you want to do, I am getting stiff and sore sitting at the computer or the table marking much of the time ….so I have been feeling sorry for myself. I have had a bit more energy which I would have preferred to spend doing something other than sedentary work.

I have had a walk to limber up but it wore me out instead.

On Friday I went to the dentist and did shopping so I hardly did any marking. But I have finally got rid of the black hole in the front of my teeth. But it will take at least another four appointments to finish the fillings and the root canal so I had to make another three. Two more in July and one in August. Only then will I be able to book an appointment or else go on another list for a plate. In the meantime, many of my teeth remain sensitive even though they have been fixed up.

To Zena, I spoke to Brenda so long on the phone that I did not feel like ringing back even if I had remembered by then. And no not Auntie Lil and Grandma. Isn’t it more like Nana and Auntie Marnie? Unless you are planning to give this kid pj’s every birthday and Christmas. Now that was Auntie Lil. Being a great Auntie is not so bad is it? It looks like I will never get to be one unless you count Belinda, Tanya and Glens kids when they have them. I used to be an auntie to them but now I think I am an ex-auntie. I wonder what Marlene is.

Mum rang the next night so again I did not ring and Monday night I am very busy getting ready for work and the doctors long day.

Marking and Roger

I am still marking naturally and it is a very slow process especially with all the interruptions. Scoot was told not to bother to come to work so he was around with Breville in the morning (Monday), and then Roger turned up, then Angel and also Roger’s new puppy called Cruiser. I was left to babysit the dog while Breville was taken to work at 12 and the others went to K-Mart for some reason. Ofcourse the dog started whining when it woke up not long after they left and I was up and down like a yoyo. There were promises of money to all. But we all know that seeing is believing.

I am feeling better but very stiff and sore because of sitting and marking.

I am going to be a nan

I don’t think anyone is surprised by this news. It was only a matter of time. Scoot thinks it is going to be the longest nine months of his life till January 12th 2004. That book called "Every Woman" that has been around here for decades now has a new reader.

Stevia

I got some powder when up at the organic shop near the docs on Tuesday. Does not taste very nice in drinks as far as I am concerned. I prefer fructose but the advantage of stevia is that it does not raise blood sugar at all because it is not a sugar. I’ll try to stew some fruit with it and see what it tastes like or make rice pudding or something.

Free massage

I got a free Swedish massage from Mitch (who Nick lives with) and it was the greatest I’ve ever had. I’m going back every week if I can. I will pay her next time. It is worth it and it is going to keep me free of a lot of pain.

Lab

It is not easy to get stools into the little tubes they provide. The scoop is built into the lid which is not good when it comes to screwing the lid on the bottle. The helicobactor test meant drinking a tasteless liquid containing a radioactive isotope, waiting 20 minutes and then breathing into pink liquid through a straw-like tube until it turned clear. I had to fast before hand. I guess I will be back tomorrow morning with another stool sample. And then it will be off to the dentist again. Maybe this time I will get that front tooth with the black on it filled. I must also get groceries and stuff so I won’t get much time for marking. Today I tried to get marking but with distractions from everyone and all the prep I needed to do before I could even start properly, I have only managed a grand total of one assignment marked.

Medical Report

I got a video of my heart ultrasound…pretty cool. The problems found are trivial even though they have probably been there since birth. I do not really understand – mitral incompetence, pulmonary incompetence and tricuspid regurgitation if it means anything to you guys reading this. It is not significant because I have not got any enlargement of the right heart size so he said. So the extra bangs and thumps I get are just part of my life.

Blood test results: low in B12 (weekly injections will fix that…had another two cheeks jabbed today…ouch), low oestrogen and low testosterone – perimenopause. Low testosterone in particular causes fatigue and muscle wasting. This is on top of fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue. So I guess I have a reason for the hot flushes I’ve had since last year and the itchy skin on my face. Not to mention the mental confusion.

The test for helicobacter infection (the ulcer bacteria) has not been done yet…it is a breath test. I suppose I will get it done when I take a urine sample and faeces sample to lab. He is checking for long-term microbe infection. I have to take along three separate lots of stools. He is keen for me to have the $250 bioscreen detailed lab on faeces (at my expense). It is sent to the University of Newcastle (?). I’ve remained non-committal. Other expenses are likely to be high in supplementation and dietary requirements. Elimination diets coming up next week with weird foods that I do not keep in the house. And cleansing diets etc. I spent over 35 dollars on Intestamine which is for gut repair and contains natural stuff. That is just for one month. Natural as opposed to synthetic HRT is being considered but not yet. I think even he prefers to avoid it if possible. Depends on quality of life. Mine is not good at the moment. A terrible day at work. Nevertheless I feel less “infectious” type sick today.

Yesterday at the dentist was not good either but it may explain an earache I’ve had in the background for so long that it just became a part of life. Being unable to distinguish the locus of pain is also a sign of this syndrome doc is treating me for and so is rotten teeth. Anyway this one damned tooth had a bit of trouble being numbed and has been repaired but since the decay is likely to be also in the root I am going to have to have root canal after she has fixed up all the other many holes in the front area. Then my “earache” may go. I have hated wearing the right hearing aid because of that.

Scoot also went to the doc today. He has teamed up with a doctor who is still being monitored…straight out of medical school and about the same age as him. This doc is treating Scoot like a pet project. He even rang me yesterday to see if Scoot was going to make an appointment because he was overdue. He has rung adult mental health to get Scoot’s reports and consulted with quite a few others gathering information. Most importantly, Scoot likes him and the attention ofcourse. The new medication he is on is hard to tolerate because it makes him even more tired than the previous stuff.

I will be marking from here on in so life will be pretty dull for a while except for another exiting visit to the dentist on Friday.

Mothers’ Day

Mothers’ Day was not celebrated in any great way in this place this year. Probably because I do not expect anything being so close to my birthday. Scoot offered to cook the bacon and eggs that Breville said he would do because he had no money for a present and Breville cut up the palm branches which I had asked Scoot to do. Both were just trying to get the chore over and done with as fast as possible. None of us had plans for anything to do today so there was a lot of boredom in the house. Breville just played the computer all day and Scoot slept a lot (as usual). I poked around outside doing the odd thing, and with some determination to do something “fun” for the weekend, I drove to Moffatt Beach to eat a tub of yoghurt. I came straight home again because I really was not in the mood and it was getting a little cool because the sun had been filtered through the clouds just as I got there. I picked up a few rocks and added them to my garden edge. Another 100 metres to go. I am still fed up with not feeling well. I got a foot cramp today, started prickling all over until I had a shower, and my dry itchy patches on my face flared up again. Yeah I still have a temp.

Some time outside

Even though my temperature went back up again over 38 today and yesterday, I did feel good enough to get outside and pot up a couple of hanging baskets that were looking tired. I have put all the zygocacti into two mixed hangers and most are about to flower so it will be nice for a while to have them to look at. I picked up a basket of sun jewels for one dollar at a stall when shopping sometime during the week too. I already had one colour that I got from Mitch so now I have three colours.

I used up most of my energy lifting the things and cleaning up the table and felt horrible afterwards but I seem to have picked up again after a rest this afternoon to the extent that I don’t feel bad just sitting around. Apart from keeping appointments and running necessary errands I have not spent any time trying to get anything organised for Mother’s Day so Mum will probably just get a phonecall. I thought about flowers and called into a florist yesterday but decided that even Mum would not appreciate the measly box that I would have to pay 56 dollars for through Interflora. Better to wait for her birthday at the end of the month. Have you got any ideas Zena? More to the point has she? Because if she has, she will probably just want the money so she can get it herself.

I bought I statue of Quan Yin (Goddess of Compassion) with Mum’s birthday money. I have only seen the one, but I guess it is freely available so not a collector’s item or anything. It is just gold polyresin but I could use a bit of compassion from the God’s in relation to my health and from Rec when he hears that I actually like to make my own decisions and run my own life. He tries to make me feel like I am such an evil person for wanting to continue doing that. I logged on to ICQ tonight and found these messages that were quite scathing. Now I know why he was surprised that I rang him yesterday on the phone. These messages were from before that but I had not received them. I don’t hate Rec. And why he would think so from what I said about my life, I cannot guess. I actually feel quite sorry for him being put on hold while I have not got enough time for a boyfriend in my life but I do not hate him.

My hard drive

The hard drive in my computer which was one replacing one that failed under warranty, is also corrupt now. A bad sector was written tonight. It is often failing to be written to and the blue screen/scandisk thing happens if it does not find another good place to write to. Reformatting my hard drive obviously did not fix the problem. I took it to the computer shop in January but the guys there did not hear it make a noise nor did it fail at any time. They sent me home saying that the noise was probably my CD-ROM. I will have to take it back but now I will have to wait until after the marking unless it fails completely before then. The original hard drive came with a three year warranty that ends in November. Now, the same company only gives a one year warranty. My CD-RW is likely to be making some of the noises but it is not the thing that is causing a freeze up in MSWord when a CD is not even being used. I hope two things: that it will not fail completely before I have finished my marking; and that it is still covered under warranty. The PC-User mag disk was read OK this month Zena but I like the contents of APC more. Although, I had trouble reading the APC mag disk. So take your pick. I may unload this computer onto Roger anyway, after I see some cash ofcourse.

I had Friday night to myself because Breville, Scoot and Angel went to a party and then crashed there for the night.

Dad

To Zena in response to your blog: Yeah I know what it is like. I am the same. That is why I gave up on the blog for the day. We all did our own things to remember him but I would prefer to do it on his birthday. Reading Mum's letter and your blog gets me going a bit too. I guess we miss him. It is a pity that it is all so close to Mother's Day and that the funeral day is so far removed because I cannot let it go again until after the 12th. Something to think about when I am alive and sitting in a dental chair on Monday.

My mobile had died on the charger but it is back on now.

I did not blog yesterday out of reverence to Dad.

Breville only works two days a week

Monday and Friday only and Frank is oversees so the roster won’t be changed for at least another week after this one finishes for him tomorrow. Breville tidied the house while I was at work on Tuesday. He did a wonderful job.

Felafel

ho hum is my verdict

Medical Report

Temp was down to 37.5 yesterday but I was no good for anything. Today it was back up a few points and I am developing a sore throat. I am not getting anything done around here. And I am getting worried that this is not going to go in time for dental come marking week next week and the week after.

I would have spent some time in Buderim today if I had felt well enough but I had shopping to do for the house so I came straight back to Caloundra after my echocardiogram. The guy doing the ultrasound spent most of the time telling me about how boring his job was and how he wanted to go home to his couch. It took about half an hour and the only thing I know is that my pulmonary valve pressure was above normal. Whether this is significant I have no idea and so I have to wait for the doctors appointment Tuesday after work for the verdict (plus another couple of jabs).

Scoot is back home

Angel’s Mum and Phil were picked up from the airport by Scoot and Angel last night at about 10pm. Scoot is feeling down that his life is not going anywhere. He has no work tomorrow either. He said he missed us while he was away for the week and I am sorry that I do not have the energy to make a fuss of his return. I was told that Phil is a celiac. He has been gluten-free for a couple of months now. Another person who has had a close relationship with the toilet.

Who is the pretty young girl in the photo below............wooooooooooo very nice.

Work

I managed to get through the day and have fun with the students using digital cameras borrowed from IT. We had them for about half an hour and wandered around the campus taking photos in groups. I did not wander too far. The students were happy to take their toy and leave me chatting close to the tute room. I may get around to putting up web pages of the photos sometime but in the meantime you can see this pic.

Labour Day Holiday

Breville did not have work today so he stayed at Nick’s again last night. I cannot believe my luck. I’ve had 3 nights to myself. Scoot has been staying at Angels place because the parents are away in NZ till Wednesday. That is why I have not seen hide nor hair of him. Yesterday he did actually think to let me know and popped in for a couple of minutes.

Still got a fever around 38 and I still feel fluey so I am dreading work tomorrow. I have done some toward my lesson for tomorrow but I am going to have to wing some of it because I am not prepared to stay up any later and miss out on essential sleep. And I am not going to try and figure out all this shingle stuff of Rec's. If shingles are the same as shackles, I have no idea why anyone would be impressed by a shingle hanger. Who said they were?

Bubble Tea

With all this tapioca in the house, I had to have a go at this bubble tea I read about. But not before I had made what Mum calls tapioca custard with milk and vanilla. Yesterday I made lemon sago pudding. Sago and Tapioca are one and the same. It is a root plant (not a cereal) and the starch pearls are supposed to contain inulin which happens to be a prebiotic. I had been trying to find the fructose based prebiotic (fructogoosacharide or something like that) to have in conjuction with Yakult because apparently most of the live culture does not get passed beyond the stomach due to the acid. The tiny bit that does survive needs a medium to grow on in order to multiply rapidly and that is where prebiotics come in. Inulin has no nutritional value to us…but the lactobacillus and bifidus love it. So sago will have to do for now. It is in chicory too.

The lemon sago pudding I made really just looks like jelly with tiny clear balls in it whereas the one cooked in milk looks more like a milky rice pudding (and tastes similar). I actually used lemon, lime and ofcourse bitters to change the flavour a bit of the first one. Just happened to have them it in the house. I decorated it with mixed peel.

The bubble tea is made with sugar syrup, the cooked and clear tapioca bubbles, milk and some variety of tea. Now commercially they make a shake (supplied in a cocktail shaker with a very big straw to suck up the bubbles) in a thousand different flavours and franchises are advertised all over the Net especially in Asia. I have made peppermint tea flavoured. It was nice and frothy.

Ok why could I not see my last blog anymore on the website?

Hi A.G.
Just dropped by to say hello and was wondering why it is people are so impressed by people who hang shingles around themselves when others with no shingles who have spoke the same as the shingle hangers are not believed given no attention or credit for the opinions.

Johnes or Crohns disease

Mum was telling me on the phone about a man who told her that Crohn’s disease was caused by an infection from eating meat. We both remembered the “beasts” that were killed and supplied to Roger and I for our chest freezer after they had been hung out in a shed overnight and sawn up with the shed saws, cut and packed before the flies could get to them. I remember the tubs full of mince that we puddled through bagging the stuff into meal-sized lots. I even corned my own silverside back then in a poisonous brine solution. If there is some sort of disease in beef that can be passed on to human,s then I was a prime target along with the rest of the Frizzell family. Anyway, I jokingly said to Mum I will look for it on the Net using search terms Crohn’s and bovine…and we spent the rest of our phonecall trying to decide what the right term for sheep would be, if canine means dog, feline means cat, bovine is beef, swine is pig, etc. So later, I entered those search terms after first researching chicory and tapioca (I am going to make some bubble tea or pearl tea – the now commercial rage in Asia thanks to the tapioca pearls). I saw Johnes disease come up in the listing and the very first piece of information from the CSIRO stated:

Johne's disease and human safety
There is a human disease called Crohn's disease that resembles Johne's disease. Although their pathology is similar, there is no hard evidence that they are caused by the same bacterium.
There are many theories about what causes Crohn's disease, but none have been fully accepted……..
The Australian health department has reviewed the scientific findings and concluded that there is no substantial evidence for a link between Johne's disease and the development of Crohn's disease……..
Not detected in locally bred animals in WA, Qld or NT
Mycobacterium.paratuberculosis
M.paratuberculosis lives in the intestine, but survives in the outside environment for extended periods. The disease develops very slowly. Animals can be infected for many years before they show any disease signs, making detection extremely difficult.
Is there a cure for Johne's disease?
There is no cure - prevention is the best alternative. Although there is some evidence to show that an infected animal can be cured with expensive antibiotics, it would involve treatment for a long period of time - maybe up to a year or more, using multiple antibiotics and making it a time consuming and very expensive task

http://www.csiro.au/index.asp?type=faq&id=JohnesFAQs
http://www.gatewaybbs.com.au/Agricult/Disease/Ovine.htm
http://www.cattlecouncil.com.au/images/Animal_Health_Welfare/BJD_brochure.htm
The following references were some listed in an Inquiry authorised by the Victorian Government (http://www.parliament.vic.gov.au/enrc/ojd/report/) and each paper mentions Crohn’s
Hermon-Taylor, J. (1999), 'The use of Antimycobacterial Drugs in the Treatment of Mycobacterium avum subsp. paratuberculosis Infections on Animals and in Crohne's Disease in Humans', Proceedings of the Sixth International Colloquium on Paratuberculosis, 14-18 February 1999, Melbourne, Australia, pp. 520-524.
Naser, S. A., Schwartz, D. S. and Shafran, I. (2000), 'Isolation of Mycobacterium avum subsp paratuberculosis from the Breast Mils of Crohn's Disease Patients', American Journal of Gastroentology, Vol. 95 (4), pp. 1094-1095.
Scientific Committee on Animal Health and Animal Welfare (2000), Possible Links Between Crohne's Disease and Paratuberculosis, Report to the Director-General Health and Consumer Protection, European Commission.
Selby, W. (1999), 'Pathogenesis and Therapeutic Aspects of Crohne's Disease', Proceedings of the Sixth International Colloquium on Paratuberculosis, 14-18 February, 1999, Melbourne, Australia, pp. 515-9.
The cattle council urges us to TELL OUR MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT for the sake of the Australian meat industry (it is not just cattle, deer, sheep, etc)

In February 1998, a paper was published in the British Medical Journal which documented the first proven case of M. paratuberculosis causing disease in a human being. The patient, a seven year old boy, developed a M. paratuberculosis infection in the lymph nodes of his neck. This was followed, after a five year incubation period, by an intestinal disease that was indistinguishable from Crohn's disease.


http://alan.kennedy.name/crohns/welcome.htm

This is for you Zena

Antipsychotic agents may slightly lower blood levels of testosterone, the hormone responsible for maintaining the libido (sex drive) in both men and women. The lower potency antipsychotic medications, such as thioridazine (Mellaril) and chlorpromazine (Thorazine), occasionally cause delayed or retrograde ejaculation in men. During retrograde ejaculation, orgasm is reached without the simultaneous emission of semen; semen is instead propelled backwards into the bladder and eliminated with the next urination (which may appear cloudy as a result).

I bet that you did not know that. I found it looking up stuff about Scoot’s medication. He had to make a change in meds. I am surrounded with men in my life like Dad was with women so I guess I am supposed to know stuff like that.

Friday and Saturday

My temperature kept going up so that yesterday was a right off of a day and so too is today. I am wondering now if I should have got some antibiotics. My headache is back and I am stiff and sore around the neck and shoulders but today’s temperature is a bit lower than yesterdays and it took 3 days to go up so maybe it will take 3 days to go down. So I am getting bored doing nothing but waiting to be better. But I cannot do anything because my heart starts racing from the exertion. That is how I know I am crook again with some virus or something or whatever. I always get like that even if I don’t have a sore throat or anything. The boys disappeared Friday before 6pm. I had forgotten that it was Friday and that Breville quite often stays at Nick’s so I wondered all night why no-one was home. I thought it was Thursday and that Scoot had taken Breville to his boys night out. But because no-one had said who was going where, even when I realised it was the weekend, I was not sure if I had the whole place to myself all night and at least most of Saturday. If I had known for sure I would have relaxed even more. Instead I wondered who would disturb me first and when. Breville has the habit of ringing for me to come and get him anytime after the clubbing session Friday night but he is just as likely to go out again Saturday night and not want to come home until Sunday. Scoot has a habit of not telling me whether he will be home for tea any night and is likely to walk in with Ange and decide to stay the night in Breville’s room while Breville is not here so that Scoot and Ange can get some privacy. Not knowing means that I cannot fully relax into the mess that surrounds me without feeling like I had better go and clean up at least for the sake of the others who are here. I am too sick to clean up more than a little bit at a time.

I had wanted to go out with Brenda to a Salsa night with dancing in the street outside one of the Mexican Restaurants in Maroochydore somewhere. She had to book a table even for coffee to get a seat. I left a message this morning that I would not be able to go. I would so like to get out and about this weekend before the onslaught of the marking again. I would have gone out last night too if I could have.

I got Mum’s birthday letter on Friday finally. But she rang not long ago this evening so she knows that it arrived. I forgot to thank her on the phone and make comment about all the horrid problems she has had with the house…those blinds I had no idea were built in the wrong way since way back. A problem sitting there waiting to happen dating back a few years now. How old is Gungurru? The point is that I forgot even though she actually rang just the next day. I hate the way this chronic fatigue thing affects my short-term memory. Her letter also reminded me about Dad being dead for 5 years nearly. I just realised that he had lasted through my birthday but did not make it through to Mum’s. I have always felt the burden of not being there to help keep him alive as if I could have done something to prolong his life. I guess Rec has made me feel that burden too but I have decided to give that job up as not being my responsibility. Sometimes I need help to be able to do it or NOT do it I guess I should say. It is very hard to find good help in the realm of the mind.

Hope for a better future

Written on MayDay

I was impressed with two people today. Firstly my new doctor and secondly my new lawn mowing man.

My lawn mowing guy showed me that my paths really do have nice straight edges to them and this man will run late rather than skimp on the job. Not sure whether I can say that about my new doctor yet but so far, I am impressed. It is a pity that I was so unwell that my brain was in bovine mode again because he was full of interesting research about the fibromyalgic/chronic fatigue syndrome from a nutritional point of view. I’ve forgotten a lot of the technical stuff and everyone who knows me knows that it is the technical stuff that I thrive on. Anyway he knows what he is talking about even if he is biased towards his own theory of cause of CFS. He asked me things that I could relate to, which means that he has a real understanding of what I’m going through. He asked me how long it took for me to recover from a big day. The answer mattered. I think I am falling in love with my doctor. And I am full of hope tonight. Hope for better health.

I have not read the material that he has given me yet but this doctor Scoot (yes another one) believes that the cause of this fibro/CFS is a mycoplasma infection. Blood tests revealed Mycoplasma pneumoniae at the same time as Influenza (A) some time in my past. He also believes that it (and many other autoimmune diseases like Crohn’s) is associated with a leaky gut but the tests for that are hugely expensive. But we have not tackled treating that yet. The trick is to get rid of the inflammation that allows the leakage of all the toxins, antigens or whatever in the first place. And I guess I am going to have to go on a restrictive diet. Everything is subject to a battery of blood tests taken today. I was not thinking straight enough to remember but it included things like a certain hormone level rather than the regular hormone check for menopause, maybe even that gut bacteria that causes ulcers, iron levels…four bottles of blood’s worth anyway. He only ran tests covered by medicare bulk-billing pathology thank goodness. He thought that all Crohn’s and CFS sufferers should receive intravenous B1, B6 and B12 on a regular basis so I ran to the chemist, bought the ampules and then went back to the pathology nurse out the back for the two jabs in the backside. One each cheek. Oh, they hurt, sting and then ache but I love the potential they have for a quick boost to energy. I will line up for some more next appointment. The aim is blood saturation. I’ve been trying to get B12 approved from the Golden Beach surgery for over 12 months.

The one other thing he wanted me to do straight away was to buy a herbal immune system booster by a company called Eagle which he takes. It is not available off the shelf but naturopaths and other alternative practitioners can supply it by script only. I did not know that even Health Food Shops had certain brands or stuff that they kept under the shelf because it can not be supplied without a practitioners authorisation…I guess he just uses the medical prescription as his authorisation but many health food shops and chemists were not aware that those with naturopathic or homeopathic rooms out the back often hold the stuff behind the counter. I found one that stocks the brand (usually…before recall) but not the particular product. He wanted me to get Eagle brand, Cats claw echine capsules. It contains cats claw, Echinacea, olive leaf and astragalus. He takes it for his immune system. Anway, I could not find anyone who stocked it and as the brand is on recall, it is not worth going out to Forest Glen where the big alternative health stockists are. A naturopath at the local Alternative Health clinic in Golden Beach made me up a distillation of Echinacea, olive leaf, cats claw, liquorice and grapeseed. I can buy astragalus any place. And on my rounds I found out that they did recall my brand of glucosamine sulfate but bottles of 30 only…I had bottles of 90. Weird! Anyway, I have to go back to the doc in a couple of weeks but I have not made the appointment yet because I am coming up to a run of dental appointments in that week plus another lot of marking followed shortly thereafter by another lot and then the exams. One more week left to recover before the next onslaught.

Nearly forgot. He was concerned enough about my tachycardia and murmur to order an echocardiogram. I always get a racing heart when I am fluey-like. Doesn’t everyone? I will try to get that done tomorrow. He assumes my fever is part of a gut virus. But I did not go there for that.

Here is the same article Dr Scoot gave me in printed form.

He also gave me a questionnaire to fill in from a company called Bioscreen.

Scoot has been abducted

I was out getting toilet paper or something yesterday evening and came home to find a note from Angel which read:

Hey Judy!!

I’ve kidnapped your son for the night. If you want him back deposit $2 million into my account. He will not require food tonight as bread and cordial is all he requires. If the transaction does not occur you will be seeing him tomorrow.

The strange thing is that I did not deposit the $2 million yet Scoot has not returned tonight either [not that I am worried about it].

The war between Breville and his Boss continues and now I pay the price

Breville has been told not to bother coming to work until Monday next week. His pay this week was bad enough. He cannot pay all that he owes me. Next week I will get zilch. In the meantime he is bored stiff but still suffering waves of nausea.

Recovery Day

I had a bad night again last night tossing and turning. I knew I was tired after working yesterday but my mood was good so I thought I would bounce back easily. But by the early hours of this morning I had that distressed feeling even while I was asleep and it become more difficult to sleep in peace. I got up to find myself all puffy in the face again. My temperature is 37.95 and my tum is upset again. I feel like a wrung out rag. I am so disappointed because I really thought I was going to be able to cope with work yesterday. I had had a good day. And I have so many things I want to catch up on from washing to folding away the swimming pool and cutting up palm branches. Now, just the thought of catching up with the lady next door to organise the lawn mowing for tomorrow seems like too much to deal with. So once again I must give up my plans and let the slow process of mending take all my energy reserves. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow with the chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia specialist GP so he can deal with it all.

In the meantime, I am getting worried about my Glucosamine Sulphate…it is a Bio-Organics product and costs up to 30 dollars a bottle. I have two bottles because it was on special. I saw the characteristic red bottles being pulled off the shelf on TV but the list has not been completed of recalled products yet. I am at the site I made a link to yesterday trying to find which are NON- Pan products but this brand is not listed. Rats! I have been living on the stuff. What about all the rest of the companies whose products I have floating around this house. Scott was put on new med yesterday but it is listed as a NON-Pan so OK. My Nicotine-replacement products are OK. We need paracetamol in this house so I can get Herron but not Farmland, Home Brand, nor Panadol. This is going to be a huge National headache. I guess this homework is something I can do while I am not feeling strong.

Tell Mum that I heard that she rang and the message I got was to buy the paper about some herb recall. I gathered he meant Pan products. Nothing useful was in the local paper anyway and the Brisbane Courier Mail safety instruction edition was sold out. I am checking every time I pick up a box but so far have not found any Pan products in my cupboard. Substiting beef cartilage for shark cartilage was mentioned in our local paper. I saw the bit about Travelcarm having hallicinatory side effects on the TV news and I found a list of the recalled products online here.

Sunday Outing

It has been a few days since I blogged. I have forgotten what I have done except that I was sick with a virus and got another year older in age. My birthday had both anxiety and joy in the day. The best part was finally getting to the Celtic Tea Rooms (http://www.celtictearoom.com/) in Maleny. I did something that I really enjoyed to do for my birthday. Much better than last year when I was at someone else’s wedding. It was lovely to have the whole family doing something together this year. I was so tired from the silly virus that one glass of wine was enough to go to my head and so I was merry in Maleny listening to an Irish jam session. They sang Happy Birthday. “She loves the Hog’s Eye Man” was what we sang after our yummy meal when we were outside in the fairy garden. Rec had ordered a cake which we brought with us along with our one bottle of wine between four. I was surprised to be charged six dollars for the cake plates as if five dollars corkage wasn’t enough. Breville and Scoot had chicken cacciatore. Ange had a vegetarian Lasagne. Rec had a fillet steak and I had the beef Guinness pie. The birthday cake was plenty for dessert. We did not have time to go for a walk in Mary Cairncross Rainforest but some of us had a very quick look in the information centre which happened to be featuring edible native fruits and pods. Seems to be the theme of the month. Talking about wild food plants reminds me of my poor old Australian Rustic Butterfly pupa in the jar. Either it has been fried by the electromagnetic field around my computer or it is meant to go black. The silver markings are turning bronze. I am still hoping this is not decay but I guess it is conceivable that the plant had been sprayed some time before I even bought it.

The continuing war between Breville and his Boss

Last week Breville was asked to work on the weekend and he said he would rather not. In typical style, Mr boss man is now in punishment mode and has swapped Breville back to afternoon shift and only given him 3 days. I have lost my morning quiet time once again.

The upholstery business ran out of unskilled work for Scoot so he has not been at work since last Thursday but he has work tomorrow.

I had a meeting at work yesterday and today’s tutorials went well. I am feeling much better but Breville has been home for two days because he started vomiting on Monday. He wanted to blame the food at the Tea Rooms but Scoot and I both had upset tummies with the bug we had.

Welcome Zena and Thankyou Rec

Happy Birthday Sparkle
Hope you had a great day.

I renewed my licence for another five years today. It has a photo of a black-haired woman as ID.

Blogger was not loading pages properly so I did not post last night.

The mornings are mine

Now both the boys are getting up in the morning early for work. Brett is still up at the main shop but doing morning shift till 1pm every week day. Having both days back on the weekend has made him happy. Scott has a really scungy boss. He pays him a set amount per day and if he agrees to start an hour earlier in the morning or stay back, he gets no more pay to show for it, so when his boss asked him to start at 6:30am instead of 7:30 again, he said no thanks. Scott would prefer to go strawberry picking with Ange when the season is in full swing so I think that is what will happen.

It is not fair

I cancelled my beauty appointment today because yesterday I began developing a slight sore throat and fluey aches. It seems I have caught the same thing that Scott has been complaining about. I was just getting over the effect of having Brett’s illness in the house. Scott has not been able to sleep properly at night either and he was sweaty in bed. Last night it was my turn to be woken in a lather and it was the coldest night of the year so far. It is one of those strange bugs with nothing particularly specific to complain about except a headache, body aches and some mucus down the back of the throat and an occaisional dry cough and lack of appetite.

Fairhill Followup

Here are some links to the trees Rob bought: Davidson’s Plum and
Aniseed Myrtle
Governor’s Plum is the closest thing I can get to mine but my tag does not say what the species is…just that it is the Flacourtia genus. Flacourtia indica and jangomas are also known as the Indian Plum. Flacourtia ramontchi
syn Flacourtia ramontschi is also known as the governor’s plum, botoko plum or madagascar plum. Seen Shipton's Flat in brackets after flacourtia sp. from the Cape.

This is the Australian Rustic Butterfly the Flacourtia hosts

Easter Monday

We are gearing up for roast pork for tea tonight. Not that I am doing much to contribute. I have decided that whoever really wanted the feed, gets the job of preparing it too. I am just too tired and dizzy. I guess yesterday was too long a day for me. I am going to go back to bed while the preparations are being made and hope that tomorrow is a better day. Maybe then I can deliver Brenda’s Easter egg. By the way it was Scott (and Ange by default) who volunteered to cook the meal. Brett has hooked his computer up to the television as a second monitor so that he can have two screens to distribute applications across. He has spent most of Easter playing online Army Ops….a virtual world created by the US Army simulating real army operations. It involves the use of squads, so Brett plays with a team and they talk to each other using realtime voice.

I tried to ring last night Zena, but your phone was switched off. I remembered fairly late to charge mine up so you may have tried to ring earlier.

The Easter Bunny Came

Easter greetings first came from My
Grocery Shop when they delivered my order Easter Saturday morning; a complimentary bag of caramel eggs. More greetings came from Mum and Zena (alias sister) via a quick mobile phone call that night. Scott and Ange stayed together in my lounge room both Friday and Saturday night so they were around for the Easter Bunny – me. I gave Rob his boxed egg and pineapple-flavoured confection on Thursday night when he made that flying visit. Scott got an orange-flavoured version of the same thing and Ange got the strawberry. Brett never wants Easter eggs unless they are solid or filled with flavoured fondant or caramel or such like. He particularly likes Cadbury’s cream eggs so he got one of those and a packet of solid eggs from this Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny was given a chocolate Easter bunny from Scott and Ange – Red Tulip too.

Fairhill Native Plant Nursery – Yandina

I drove up to Yandina to visit the native nursery looking for a variety of Grevilleas to choose from. Rob drove down from Tewantin and met me there. We ended up becoming more fascinated with the wild food plants than anything else. Rob ended up with a Davidson’s Plum which can be successfully grown indoors, and an Aniseed Tree. Wonderful to eat the leaves…just like aniseed rings or black jelly beans. I took home a Cape Plum that is both bird attracting and butterfly attracting as well as being a dense windbreak for the Southerlies on my back fence (I think). It gets heaps of red new growth, and the berries are edible and sweet. I have no idea what the flowers look like yet…except that they are going to be small fluffy and cream coloured. Everything in one plant it seems…..even suitable for tubs. The really cool thing about this 3X2m bushy shrub is that it is the major food source for the Australian Rustic Butterfly and I had accidentally brought home a pupa…..the likes of which I have never seen before. The pupa itself looks like a grub attached to the leaf at the back end, head hanging down and the really pretty part is the silver markings that look like liquid mercury, often topped with a black dot and a black hair. I’ll keep it in a jar. I looked up my butterfly book and this is a butterfly common up north, Cairns, Thursday island etc and was first named in Cooktown when the Endeavour was beached there by Banks and Solander in 1775. It was also known as Governor’s plum. If it will hatch in my jar, I will let it go to lay eggs on my new tree I guess.

Here is Fairhill’s Bush tucker page for Rob.

I have another blog

Metaphysical Winsights is the name of my other blog. This is a public blog but it has not been advertised in a search engine [yet]. I have not edited the blogger template to include the appropriate meta tags. I am trying to find a way to interest people enough to make a reasonable number of hits on my site so that I can try to make some money from affiliate advertising like half the rest of the web community does. Including Rob. Metaphysical Winsights may not be something that attracts enough visitors and it is difficult to get into affiliate programs while your site attracts few visitors. But it is a job that one can do from home like getting paid to fill in online forms and read email. Like everything else that has the potential to make money, time must be invested. I am not sure whether I am willing to devote that sort of time to sitting at a computer particularly when I am well and wanting to be more active. I am just getting some idea of the time it takes to update web material daily….. this blog is an example. It is fairly time-consuming stuff. The reward may not be worth it especially when it ceases to be a novelty but if I lose my tutoring next year, I guess it may be all I can do for myself in the short term. I am not driven by financial need while I have my job and both boys paying me rent. But I can always use some extra pocket money and paddling around in cyberspace helps to keep me in touch with technical advances.

Mr Rec Fisher is now a disability Pensioner

It is very good news…at last. Much better than Newstart for old farts [joke].

I must be old, because I know the answers to at least half of this trivia quiz for oldies. I found it in the fibromyalgia newsgroup

THE ODDBALL WALL - Baby Boomer Trivia

Let's see how tuned in you are to the baby boomer generation.

1. Which TV show made, "Sock it to me!" a famous expression?
a. Sonny and Cher b. The Smothers Brothers c. Laugh In (Deb knows)

2. Which TV show used the tag line, "And now for something
completely different."
a. The Mod Squad b. Monty Python c. Hee Haw

3. Who made this line famous: Don't trust anyone over 30.
a. Abbie Hoffman b. Bob Dylan c. Andy Warhol

4. Who was the miner who stood six foot six and weighed 245?
a. Paul Bunyan b. Big John c. Big Bad Leroy Brown

5. Who sang the song, A Boy Named Sue?
a. Arlo Guthrie b. Ray Stevens c. Johnny Cash

6. On what show did the Beatles make their American debut?
a. Ed Sullivan b. American Bandstand c. Battle of the
Bands

7. She wore an itsy-bitsy, teeny weeny ________?
a. veil just like a magic genie b. yellow propeller on
her beanie
c. yellow polka dot bikini

8. Superman fought for truth, justice, and ________?
a. the American Way b. honor c. the triumph of good
over evil.

9. The Brylcreem slogan was...
a. Like drinking love from a bottle! b. A little dab’ll
do ya!
c. No more warts, sports!

What’s in a name?

And I just found here that one of the risk factors in developing Crohn’s disease is a Jewish ancestry. I thought it rather strange that my full Christian name means Jewish Lady.

A pie that has heart foundation approval?

I did not know that you could get meat pies with the heart foundation tick. But I found a Pampas Shepherd Pie. The pastry and the instant potato were terrible. It looked much better than it tasted on Wednesday night.

Good Friday

Yesterday was another day of feeling good for 3 hours but today I have not felt weird at all because I have done whatever I wanted and I have only wanted to do stuff that is not energy consuming. I need a few more days like this of being totally stress-free. It is a bit boring though. Nevertheless, not having to pay the price of an outing has put me in a better mood and more capable of facing the morrow. I slept in late, and sat around on the computer almost all day. I am still installing stuff after my hard drive format over a month ago.

Brett has been home most of the time doing the same sort of thing on his computer. Scott has been out with Ange and is partying tonight at his friends’ place. Two nights in a row for him. Last night it was the pub with the boys. He loves not having to go to work because he does not like going to work day in and day out doing something that takes him away from Ange…but they have sorted out one money-related problem already because he is earning more now.

Brett and I had nice bream for tea thanks to Rob bringing down fish during a flying visit to Caloundra with his son Rob last night. I don’t really know why he really came down because he combines so many things into one trip that it is usually multi-purposed.

Yesterday, I had a facial, eyebrow wax and lash tint and I have decided that it was not worth the money I paid. I am getting old obviously because I was told that many ladies my age need upper lip waxing. I might do that next week. I am trying to look younger for my birthday I suppose because I really do not want to be a year older before this month is over.

Recovery Day

I spent a lot of the day in bed today. I knew Brenda was going to be at Sunland Shopping Centre at 2pm so I made the effort to meet her there. I said hi to her but I was too unwell to hang around and browse. I had some groceries to get. Sharon was there too with John’s daughter. Brenda therefore had company while she was waiting for her car to be fitted with tyres.

To Rob, I hope you are much better now. Keep up the fishing. And I hope you can understand that I am doing what I need to be doing.

To Deb, I deleted you from the blog and then reinvited you. I hope it works. Mum does not seem to think I should even be doing this. It may reveal a pretty horrible life as she says but I don’t expect to always be miserable. Let me know if the new design slows down your computer too much. It plays havoc with my resources but it is a bit of fun.

I think I have found a suitably priced man (you know what I mean) to mow the lawn…if I can get my neighbour to agree to getting hers done at the same time. The other guy cannot do it any more and I doubt if I will find anyone to do if for only $10 any more. His quote was far better than the last one I got.

This is the Carphalea I was talking about being in flower.

Here are a couple of snaps of Scott at Moffat Beach (if this works).  We went there on Sunday for fish and chips while Ange planted strawberries.

I tried to post on Sunday but the connection timed out.  I placed a link to Rob's fishing log. 

It has been difficult for me to do much on the Net lately because my
connection is shared with Brett's computer and at night time it is even more
degraded with extra traffic.

Monday, I had three good hours doing housework before I felt yuk again so
I must be on the improve physically.

Today, was a long day at work.  I had to attend an 8am lecture before my
tutorials.  Brett did not work for Odi yesterday because he has had another roster change.  He is working on Thursdays again.  He wants two full days off per week and giving one of those days to Odi is not going to
happen.

Hi Judy,
Tired to post to the fishlog but it didn't work apparently. Nothing has come up on the fishlog page.
Hope you are feeling better today and looking forward to talking with you at some time today. Phoned earlier but went straight to message bank and tired mobile but it is switched off.
Ok will see if this works now.

I don’t feel like blogging tonight. Otherwise everyone will know how I really feel and it isn’t good.

Yesterday

I had an appointment at Shepherd Hearing yesterday…a follow-up on my Government Hearing Aids. I have not worn them much because the right one in particular has been giving me an earache. Yesterday’s appointment was spent shaving off bits of the devices for the sake of comfort. It is guesswork because I am not good at identifying where the minute spot of rubbing against my ear canal is occurring. I paid the yearly maintenance fee so that I can go back whenever I need more adjustments or more batteries.

I came home dizzy again. Later, Brett and I went up to Buddina to Harvey Norman. Brett bought an add-on for his flight simulator. He is now learning to captain a 747.

In the meantime, Scott was sent home from work because he had been vomiting. By the time we had got back home, he was gone…off partying with Ange somewhere. He came home after tea and went straight to bed…drunk.

Rob was still unable to do much without paying the price in chest pains. He has been wanting to attend to his boat so that he could take a mate out fishing. But it had to wait another day.

Today

Brett will be going to work both today and tomorrow after lunch and Scott is at home still feeling nauseous and gurgly. I am grateful that today has nothing specific planned because my body and mind is still feeling exhausted. We seem to be a miserable bunch at the moment but it will pass.

I am looking forward to having enough energy to just clean up the house and garden. The camellia that Mum bought me last year is flowering and so too is the Carphalea (Flaming Beauty) that I bought about a month ago. But the weeds have got a good hold in places and the neglect is pretty obvious now. But there are some nice additions to the garden that are growing quite well. Brian, next door gave me a couple of “snowflakes” and a “Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow”. They are safely in the ground. I have a yellow Ixora in the NE corner and it should be very effective in brightening up that spot when it grows. Rob has given me two birdbaths. They match. One is just a little bowl mounted over a statue of a boy. The other is a more classic birdbath style. They are painted concrete I think. Heavy. Sadly, at the moment, they are lined with green sludge. I even have a Feijoa (Pineapple Guava) waiting to go in the ground that I got at the market a couple of weeks ago. A black passionfruit is also making its way up to the trellis that borders the Western fence. It will share space with Brian’s choko vine. There are chokos nearly ready for eating on it now. The rhubarb and leeks that I planted last year have never done well because there is not enough sun in that spot.

This dull damp day is probably just right for pottering around the house, napping and generally going my own pace so that is what I plan to do.

Scott and Ange have plans for tea but I guess Brett will not be going clubbing again or staying at Nick’s because he has work the next day. It means that having Friday nights to myself are a thing of the past. Perhaps I should go out with Brenda if I can muster the energy.

Recovery Day

I do not feel well enough to write much. I got one refund from Hypermax finally.

Today was what I call my recovery day when I demand very little from myself. Wednesday is my recovery day every week. I try not to schedule anything for Wednesday. But there are usually some small demands…like milk or bread or dishes.

Brett worked today from 1pm till 6.30pm and then disappeared into his room. Scott went out with Ange for tea after work and came home for the Simpson’s hour but has fallen asleep on the lounge in front of the telly.

Rob is still having chest pains if he does anything physical.

One of Those Days
I should be happy because I have finished my marking. But I am not. I had some marking and record keeping to do at work and spent more time discussing some work-related issues with Sherrill so it was a long day and I came home and tried to have a sleep. Later, Brett told me that he had a message on message bank from someone about the Hypermax mix-up. It was after hours by then but telephone banking has now revealed that all is not well and now my account is overdrawn and the Contents Insurance has not even gone through. I guess the rent is more important, and it went through leaving the overdrawn amount. Now I expect automatic dishonour fees from my credit union…which I will be hitting Hypermax for. Transaction history reveals no credits from Hypermax in the past two days despite the fact that I had those phone calls that said everything was in place for a complete reversal. I even said thankyou. I really thought that they could not possibly stuff up a reversal twice but they have. Another day on the phone tomorrow I can see. If I had not been at work today, I would have been on top of it.

I am really tired, dizzy and trying to fight off this virus thingy that Brett is still suffering from. I think Brett is going to give ODI a day next Tuesday at the new fruit shop but it may not be worth the effort because he cannot claim the tax-free threshold twice. Brett did not go to work with Roger because he was feeling too sick himself.

Scott is always worn out after work and goes to bed before I can get many details out of him but I think his boss is happy with him. He seems to have trouble putting in a full day’s work and having some spare energy left over in the day to enjoy. He reminds me of me and I feel sorry for him. He may have spent some time with Roger today after work but I have not been told about it (yet). All I know that Roger told him and Ange that he would get a unit in his name for them to live in because he wants a place to stay when he is working down this way. But at the same time, he is also saying that he cannot afford it just yet.

I am having trouble getting on the Net again and my CD-burner is not reading my PCUSER magazine disks which I have been trying to have some fun with but I am only getting totally annoyed at everything spinning, blue screens of death and rebooting. I hate working with obsolete computers when I have to make them do jobs beyond their capability. I think the CD-burner uses up too many resources even just trying to read a disk let alone burning one. Everything is so time-consuming when it does not work first time.

When I can’t get on the Net, I cannot talk to Rob because I cannot get him on the telephone. The new wide-area 25c calls are a great saving for us because before we were paying STD (community call timed) rates. It means sacrificing Neighbourhood call rates but that does not effect me much because the only other number I ring in the Golden Beach exchange is the doctor’s surgery. I wonder if wide area calls are available between Mum and Debbie.

The mobile phone rang this evening and when I went to answer it, the screen just died. I had it on the charger up until going to work today. The only reason I really need a mobile phone is to have a means of contact if I break down in the car on the highway and, I guess now that it is not even lasting a full day, it is no longer providing much security. Cripes, it is only just a year old

Sneezes, trots and fluid retention
Waking up this morning to all the above is a depressing way to start the day. Add some fluey aches to the complaints list and the task of having to mark again and prepare a lesson for tomorrow looks like a monumental task for the day. I took a second VIOXX last night for my back and am now wondering if the evening dose is the cause of more fluid retention than a morning dose. I did not take a VIOXX the night before and yesterday my rings were loose on my fingers. By last night I had to move one along to the next finger to avoid losing it. This morning, I could not get it off! My nose is stinging and I have these run of sneezing but I’ve had heaps of vit C, Echinacea, garlic, zinc and cod liver oil.

Brenda
I wonder what Brenda is up to? I have not spoken to her on the phone for over a week and hope that she is coping OK with her ills (arthritis) and perhaps loneliness. She says Dennis does not provide her with that much conversation because he spends a lot of time away fishing or in his room. I am thinking of her but I don’t seem to have the time to fit her into my life lately. I have the same problem fitting Rob in at times too but he is more demanding (like the kids are) than Brenda. Those with a voice usually get slotted into my life more than those without. But it is just as well that people let me get on with what I am trying to cope with for the time being. I’ll get to Brenda eventually.

Rob
He is having a bad run with chest pains, there one day and not there the next. It has been nearly two weeks of unreliable energy levels for him. Fluctuating health is the greatest destroyer of goals and plans that I know. For Rob, it has meant postponing some paid work that he was counting on. The disturbing thing is that we “sick” people are always looking for the reasons for our flare-ups when there are not always any obvious reasons. This is frustrating because it is hard to know what to do “right” by your self. I think sometimes it can boil down to what was dreamed of at night time…things deeply unconscious. Sometimes it is something inhaled or ingested that made the next day worse than the previous. Sometimes doing too little is worse than not doing enough. Other times, doing too much can wipe you out for an entire week. But we want to know the one culprit out of the hundreds of things we are exposed to in any, one, day. It is an impossible ask so we are continually frustrated. And yes, Rob, I agree, it is probably even more frustrating when people like me suggest why you may be feeling worse today than yesterday when they would not have a clue what your body, heart or mind is dealing with in any one day. When you have decided for me why I am having a bad run, I definitely resent it. I can only assume that you would feel the same way.

There is not enough time in this day
It is after 8pm now and I still have lessons to familiarise myself with, bins still out on the kerb and clothes still sitting in the washing machine. I just had to have a sleep this afternoon so I lost time there. Also had to go out and get some toilet paper etc but I was back within the half hour. I did not have time to talk to Rob on the phone more than once today. He seemed to resent it. I think that sux. I have not even made my lunch for work yet. Scott dealt with tea for me after I got everything started but the dishes are also waiting…till tomorrow evening I guess. I will be late at work tomorrow.
Now I can’t get on the Net
It is after 9pm and I am now ready to get on the Net…check tutorial sheet links etc and the phone is unable to connect. Ozforces is getting too busy too fast. I hope they upgrade their Maroochydore POP as it grows. I’ll complain if I have to. Roger has just rung while the phone is off the hook and he is talking to Brett about working with him tomorrow. If I get on the Net, I think I will forget the lessons and just take tomorrow’s tutorials as they come. I need to check my bank statement about this Hypermax stuff. Actually I think it is line congestion rather than Ozforces. It may be a Telstra problem.

Brett lost another day’s work
Brett does not have work tomorrow…Tuesday’s off again. And Thursdays and Sundays? He does not seem keen to go and speak to ODI for some reason. He may have gone to see ODI tomorrow had Roger not rung to invite him to work with him at a car yard here in Caloundra. That is not a bad thing though…..except that I have to drop Brett off on my way to work (if he goes). But with Brett home more often and not having to work in the morning, he is staying up much later. And now that Scott is sleeping in Brett’s room and going to bed early and rising early, Brett is spending more time out in the main part of the house if he cannot or does not want to use the Net. He was watching television out here. That can be a good thing and that can be a bad thing. Now Brett says he will go see ODI instead of going with Roger. Who cares?

It is so late now that although the Net finally connected, I am too tired to do anything except post this blog.

Marking Assignments
As the US penetrates close to the core of Bagdad, I continue to mark assignments. I made much better inroads today and am confident that I will finish the bundle that I have at home here tomorrow. There may be some late assignments handed in by students who have applied for extensions due to unforseen circumstances. I will deal with those at work on Tuesday if any.

Crohn’s Disease or is it Brett’s virus?
I am even less healthy today than yesterday. Gut pains this morning and much associated energy loss. I felt drained of life. As the gut improved during the day, so did my energy levels but all-over bodily aches and pains began to plague me later in the day. Brett came home with his cold all freshened up. He stayed the night at Nick’s place last night after leaving Roger to his other children and whatever he did between then and now seems to have made him worse with this cold that has hung on for a couple of weeks. He was sent home from work at Pelican Waters for two days because they did not want him sniffing all over the fruit. It was more usual for Brett to be accused of faking illness when he stayed at home sick so this time the tables had turned. Brett did not even feel that bad back then. Certainly he did not feel as bad as he sounded to them. It seems that one must sound sick before people even notice that you are not well. Noticing that someone is looking ill is something that most people do not do until the sick person is having a major problem maintaining normal mobility. Unless offcourse it is a cold that causes the red nose and the drip, or the flush of a fever. But who can see Lupus for instance before it becomes a life changing event?

Bin Night
I had a break from marking when I had a late sunbake outside on the banana lounge in the nude, when I did more washing, after tea when I watched TV and when I went to the market this morning for a short time. I also had to clean up the kitchen enough at least to fill the bins in readiness for the collection. There was junk mail everywhere for the recycle bin, Old Crow Bourbon cans from Scott and Ange to rinse and remove and a few things in the fridge that needed turfing out. It is still I who takes the bins out. I have asked the boys on occasion and if the did not forget they would probably get around to doing it…but they forget before they even get up out of the chair. Scott is much more likely to remember than Brett nowadays but I still have to ask.

This and That
Today has been another fairly unproductive day marking-wise. I am chipping away at it…but I am not exactly performing at a professional speed. I’m generally tired but also a bit bored with it all. I got some washing done…the new sheets I bought at the 25% off day at K-Mart last week but now it is raining again. I cannot remember having a continuous week of fine weather for ages. I am sure that is why my back has been playing up so much. There is a real nip in the air in the evenings even though the temperature inside this house is still suiting short sleeves.

I have had heaps of phone calls since five o’clock. Nick looking for Brett, another Nick looking for Scott, Brett ringing from Roger’s phone wondering if Nick was looking for him, Rob ringing for me and Debbie ringing for me on her new mini mobile phone. It is not usual for heaps of phone calls to even get through because the line is usually tied up to the Net. When broadband is affordable for us, it will be good to have a free phone line once again.

Roger is in town
Some person that both the kids and Roger know, is getting married in Caloundra because the woman’s parents live here. Consequently Roger, Marlene, Zachary, Brenton, Billy and maybe Bianca are very close by tonight at the Gemini Resort in Golden Beach. Scott has been over there since about lunch time but when Brett finished work, they picked him up, and then, Brenton, Billy, Scott, and Brett rocked in here. Brett was told to get dressed up because they may be going out for tea. 20 minutes later, they were all gone again.

Opportunities in Fruit
The Golden Beach Fruit Shop is under new management and guess who bought the place…Odi. This guy used to run the convenience shop at Currimundi that Brett and Kaelym used to frequent. Odi knew all the young ones. He somehow ended up out of business and working for Frank for a time at Pelican Waters. He knows how good Brett is to work with. Today, he recognised me as Brett’s Mum and asked if I would ask Brett to work for him on at least Tuesday, which he thought, was Brett’s day off. That is the day he wants help unloading when he gets back from the markets. Also Friday. But now that Brett’s roster has changed, he has not got those days off at all. Odi has only been in the fruit business for a grand total of three days. Given all the hassles Brett has had with his bosses, he may or may not consider a change a good idea. The potential for more or even alternative work is there anyway. But Brett’s heart is set on working with computerised car gadgets with his Dad. I hope for the boys’ sakes, that Roger is successful. As usual, Roger is sounding very positive and optimistic about it all and is nearly ready to invest in some other expensive gadget that does all the work for you.

A tasty Diet
Rob’s friend Greg has a girlfriend who swears by seafood extender as a way to lose weight. No fat. All you have to do is eat it for breakfast, lunch and tea. It is really just fish with crab flavour. Yeah I know, there is usually sugar added but still there is no fat. She says it works for her. Some people swear by SubWay Subs (rolls).

I’m not feeling very positive tonight
Here I am again. I write when I am in need of expressing myself to someone and where I can assume that the reader has an automatic empathy with my soul. Usually the reader is I because usually I write and read my thoughts in a “private” journal. I can definitely understand what I have written but sometimes I read things from the past that I do not now agree with. I am not sure whether anyone invited here even wants to understand me that deeply…for to do that means that I may no longer conform to the image that you currently have of me.

But I want to write again today because I need to talk it out. And my site guests can like it or lump it. I wonder which of my site guests actually read this.

I don’t know why I am so blue but it has something to do with Rob tonight. I’ve been feeling miserable since his phonecall. Prior to that on ICQ, he had been trying to talk me into coming up to this concert he won tickets for. He wanted to take me but forgot to check if the weekend suited before he assumed that I should make the trip up from Caloundra for the “special event”. Does that sound like some kind of manipulation…the carrot so to speak? I have to have 40 Powerpoint assignments submitted on floppy disk marked before Wednesday next week. I told Rob last week that I would probably still be marking on the weekend. There was some chance that if I got stuck into the marking straight after work on Tuesday, and kept at it most of my waking hours for the next few days in between appointments, then I could maybe be finished by Saturday. It would have also meant that no housework would get done until next Monday, which is also the day that I must work on my lesson.

I was not too keen to put myself through this pace given my health and stress level which had heightened because of Rob spending more than the agreed upon weekend time with me last week. My computer was used to buy jewellery on e-bay more than it was used for marking assignments. Even getting presents from Rob is stressful to me…but he does not understand that. I wish one of my readers could understand that I feel like I am being held to ransom at times. More stress came in the form of Rob’s health problems. He was sick with chest pains and worry about them. So…I was worried about holding him to his weekend agreement when he obviously wanted to stay in Caloundra with me and Scott and Brett. He knew that I did not really want him to be here and that I was giving in to pressure from my own guilt complex if not the one he “accidentally” dumps on me when he is having angina. I even feel guilty about the way I look after myself and my health problems when he has something far worse than Crohn’s disease or Fibromyalgia or Arthritis. Keeping stress to a minimum is a self-nurturing strategy but that is impossible when needier people are around. The neediest person gets what they want when my guilt over not putting myself out to meet their neediness gets too much for me to bear. So most of the people around me are a pretty needy bunch. That includes my kids. They all have the effect of making me feel guilty because their immediate and acute needs are so much more important than my chronic smouldering needs.

I also noticed that when we were doing what Rob and I had both agreed to, both of us were happier and healthier. We had a nice enough weekend. No doubt Rob picked up on my mood when I realised that my plans for the rest of the week were not going to happen. He just got sicker. I just got angrier at the choices he made that seemed to be contributing to his ill health. Now that he is home and away from me he has improved remarkably. He went out to dinner last night when back in Tewantin and is going to go to the concert tomorrow night as planned. I can chip away at my assignment marking which I do a couple of hours at a time…at my own pace. I am not feeling very well though. Drained again by other people’s neediness. Not enough energy to mark efficiently I am finding. I am very, very slow and distracted. It is just as well that I have the weekend to get the marking done because I am going to need all the productive time I can get.

Monday has already got some tasks assigned and Tuesday is the day that I will be on campus working. I would like to return the assignments via Andrea for moderation by Tony on Tuesday even if I have to stay back at work. I certainly do not want to have to make a second trip out to the University on Wednesday.

Brett did the dishes today
I had a nice surprise when I got up this morning. The collection of dishes had been washed and the all the benches were wiped clean. Brett can be very thoughtful. I accidentally slept in because of my late night last night……. blogging away. Consequently I was running very late for my doctors’ appointment this morning. It was wonderful to know that I would be coming back home to a clean kitchen.

Who stole $1200 from my VISA card?
Who can concentrate on marking assignments on floppy disk, when my finances are in turmoil courtesy Hypermax Pty Ltd. I thought yesterday had solved all these problems and today would be a day of everything has fallen back into place. No such luck. Brett wanted to try out OzForces for an ISP but I did not want to relinquish my long-standing account with Hypermax in too much of a hurry just in case Brett changed his mind about its suitability for gaming in particular. At the same time, I could not afford to pay for two ISPs. So on Friday the 28th March, I rang them and asked to be switched to the cheapest monthly service they had for the month of April onward until further advised. $5.50 for 3 hours. Certainly not a good rate but better than paying $29.95 for unlimited access that was not going to be used because we are accessing Ozforces now. I expected my account to be deducted the $5.50 on the 1st or 2nd of April but instead found that my available balance had been reduced by $600 dollars. The credit union could not do anything to stop the transaction from continuing so I had to get the ball rolling with Hypermax on a refund. Once they explained how I got billed for 240 hours of use at some disgusting hourly rate, they promised me a refund and even gave me a refund receipt number (in case something went wrong I had something to quote). That took two phone calls to sort out. In the meantime, the Credit Union also stuffed up by cancelling my insurance policy instead of upgrading it to an accidental coverage of my contents that they had talked me into for an extra $30 annual premium. I got that sorted out but it would not be deducted for a day or so.

Today, I nearly freaked out when I found that my account no longer has enough available funds to even pay for the insurance policy. Hypermax has put a reserve on yet another $600 plus VISA transaction and actually allowed the first $600 to go through despite the promises of a refund. So now my VISA is being asked to provide them with $1200.00 instead of $5.50 for a month of Internet access. Oh sure, they will take care of it…I heard that one yesterday. I remain on high alert until I can see the transactions rectified and get confirmation from the QTCU that my Insurance has also gone through without hitch and dishonour fees or cancellations of policy. I am expecting a phone call from Hypermax at any time. Freaking out about having absolutely no money in the bank should not be associated with giggling but that is what I was doing on the phone. It is such a joke that these things can happen and if I don’t laugh about it…I will cry.

Osteoarthritis, spondylosis and sclerosis
Today was also they day I took my x-rays to Dr Johanna English for comment. Nothing much new came of that….take up to two VIOXX 12.5mg per day, use a heated wheat bag across my lower back at night, have hot baths, and do some simple back exercises. Do not sit in cold wading pools. Add Paracetamol to the regime on an extra bad day but on the days I need to use Ponstan, stop the VIOXX to protect my gut. I have taken both on some days and I find it less gut burning than Feldene alone or to a lesser extent Naprosyn at least while I maintain my Losec. I will try not to take both by using the glucosamine, which she approves of.

Brett has a new schedule so life makes another change in dynamics
Scott has been working as an upholsterer’s assistant and will gradually be shown the trade. He works between 7:30 am and 3pm Monday to Friday, so I do not generally get to see him till the late afternoon. Brett was working from 7am to 1pm Monday to Friday at Pelican Waters Fresh Fruit. Now, he has been sent up to the Caloundra Village Shop where once he had a respected position. Now he sees the change as some form of punishment because of the atmosphere and the stress generated by these highly strung business persons who seem to be very quick to think the worst of people. They profess to be Christians.

Anyway, now Brett is working from 12 to 6pm and has a whole day home on Thursday as well as the weekend. That means even less hours than he had before. Now, that means that I have the house to myself between 12 and 3pm Monday, Wednesday and Friday unless Rob is around, someone is home sick or else I have appointments elsewhere. I work on Tuesdays until about the time Scott finishes and once a month I have a meeting on a Monday in connection with my work.

Rob knew that I had this dream of all three of us (Frizzells) getting up early and going to work on a Tuesday. It somehow meant productivity. Everything is as it should be. It also meant that I did not have to worry about things being neglected while I was not there. It happened for the first and only time this week. Nothing extra was added to the mess in the kitchen while I was at work and there was no opportunity for anyone to let flies in the house because they were too lazy to shut the damned door. Actually Rob was the last person to leave the house that day because he had been staying over too. When Scott was home during the day, it meant that he and often Ange had free reign of the house while not having to abide by my constant oversight. It wasn’t so bad when Brett had Tuesday’s off at home because he just sits at the computer, playstation or TV all day. He does not leave the house on his weekdays off so I do not have to worry about the doors and windows accidentally being left unlocked when no one is at home. Nor the lights and appliances being left on.

Lindsay and Marie I think her name was
I was shopping at Sunland yesterday and because my back was quite sore, I decided to sit and have a coffee at Michael’s Patisserie. I don’t do that very often on my own. I saw Lindsay and his “new” woman so I called out Lindsay’s name and he came over for a chat. We talked about Maries prolapsed uterus, the hassles she has had with her ex, the fact that Kevin his mate does not seem to approve of them being together (she is married to someone else) and their sojourn in both Maleny and Brisbane before finally buying a house to live in at Cooroy. I am not likely to see much of them in Cooroy even though it is only 20 minutes from where Rob lives. Lindsay has never been one of great importance to my life but he was infatuated with Brenda for a time but began to feel uncomfortable about the time he was investing in a relationship where the love was not returned. I wonder why Rob has not given up on me because I do not have as much to give emotionally as he would like either. Maybe Rob does not expect anything better. I am still bound to my kids lives too much and I still like my independence as well as company on about a 50-50 level. Lindsay, in contrast, has found a woman who wants to look after him…in lots and lots of little ways and he satisfies her in bed to boot which is something her ex did not do apparently. He sounded very proud of himself. It is a little more complicated now that she is healing from a major op but he is expecting a very active sex life so I am told. Also she says his drinking is not over the top at all. He gave me the impression that he was always drunk after dark. She says they have a happy hour every night with cheese and bickies and everything but then that is the end of it. He says she has more life than he even though she is a lot older than he. There is nothing like a new relationship to bring back those “kiddie” feelings and that resultant boost in energy levels but….it doesn’t last if you are already being plagued with restrictions on physical activity through aging bodies. And what about the stress…Lindsay looked like he was drawn and thin. They were on their way to pick up their trailer from the front of Brenda’s place next.

Anyway hi to whoever has decided to visit or contribute.

My news for the day is that I have been slack in doing my marking. I was supposed to be marking tonight but I got sidetracked by the concepts of weblogs and decided to set one up. It is too late to do much more now but all in all it has been a reasonable day.

I am not feeling too bad considering it is that time of the month...except for my back which is still killing me. I will find out what the x-rays mean about spondylosis and sclerosis when I go to the doc tomorrow but I am already taking VIOXX so I guess I can't really hope for much more relief that I already have when I sneak in something else besides that tablet...because it does not work well enough to make me pain free in this weather. It has got chilly tonight in the air even though the house is warm enough for short sleeves and long pants. I need the long pants to cover my aching knees and the top definately has my lower back covered too. That nip in the air even though the rest of me is quite warm, gets in those places and the aching and stiffness gets worse as soon as it is even slightly chilled. It is hard to believe that I am so arthritic at the ripe old age of 47. My birthday coming up is nothing to cheer me up at all. Just another year to add to my health woes. It is really quite scarey. I think Brenda is going through the same thing. The joys of losing 1 decibel per year in my higher frequency hearing is not good news either. I already miss out on more than I realise until I put my hearing aids in. Hearing aids at 47? Bifocals at 47 too. It has been one of those years for me that makes it difficult to face the future with any great enthusiasm. But I have tried to keep going despite the Crohn's flareups, bloating, dizzy spells, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I have indeed managed to at least make a substantial inroad to having some greenery, colour and produce which is transforming my yard into a pleasant place to spend [my retirement]. The wading pool was my salvation through those days when I did not think I could bear the heat so even though I may have not felt the greatest healthwise for some time, I have been consoled by at least enjoying some aspects of my life. I can feel like lady of leisure while I am too fatigued out or too dizzy to deal with the outside world simply by sitting in the pool with a cool drink in hand. So despite some of my dreams fading away with illhealth, I can pretend I am a queen who deserves to have the best things in her life. Sea Food salad sandwiches also makes me feel like a queen when life seems to be trying to give me the message that I am a disability pensioner. And when financial reality hits home, having creamed smoked cod roe in the fridge and a packet of water crackers can give a girl some respect. I don't need diamonds when creamed cod roe or a new outfit from Fashion Fair does the trick.

Hi there,

Wonder if this is a good thing to be doing. It is probably easier than email.